Letters that are fun to write

My response to an offer that amounted to one third of a property’s asking price:

Dear [ ]:

A formal reply to your clients’ offer on the above property will be found in next week’s (October 28th) column but, while they are waiting to learn yea or nay (hint: its headline reads, “Scum-sucking Bottom Feeders”) I thought to pass along to them a map of Red Star, Arkansas, population 20. I think that Red Star’s inbred, shallow gene pool might prove a more comfortable atmosphere for them than they’ll find here in Greenwich. Of course, I also admire their plan to rent until the end of the world comes next spring, and I look forward to monitoring their progress in buying a comfortable little place in Conyer’s Farm next May for, say, $450,000. Keep me posted.

Best,

Christopher C. Founta

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