Bush derangement syndrome rages on

Now the poor bastard is blamed for encouraging too many breast implants

In the Bush years, the plastic surgery bubble seemed a sure sign of madness bound to burst. Parents purchasing breast implants for their teenage daughters, husbands buying surgery gift cards for their wives, actresses and models documenting hospital pilgrimages on TV, boob blogs. Rear ends were lifted while Iraq burned, the deficit soared, and the polar ice caps melted.

Oh puleeze – I was quite sure that I’d heard of breast implants before George came to destroy Eden and this suspicion was confirmed when a quick trip to Google for “Breast Implants 1995″ (when, you may recall, a certain breast aficionado not named Bush was President) came up with two billion hits.

I’m warning BDS sufferers now – you can drag out the inevitable, hold show trials of Bush Administration figures for years, blame the death of polar bears and a surplus of overly-plump buttocks on Bush, but some day in the not too distant future you’ll have to face the new reality and acknowledge that the man’s gone. And then what will you do?

Too much coffee makes you see double

Too much coffee makes you see double

A bad market will do that to a fella

 Hugo needs $85 a barrel oil to stay in power and it’s trading at less than $40. What to do? Invite western oil companies to come back, pretty please? Are they that dumb? Hell yes!

It’s Allah’s will- don’t blame us!

Arab sovereign funds lost $80 billion last year.

Tan me hide when I’m dead, Fred*

Into rich, Corinthian leather, please. Ricardo Montalban dead at 88.

* for those of you too young to remember 1963′s finest song, the lyrics to “Tie me kangaroo down, Sport” may be found here.

There’s always a bright side

 

Sorry!

That charming wife we quoted yesterday notwithstanding, the economic collapse may actually prolong marriages that are based on hubby’s earnings – the unhappy couples are realizing that they can’t afford to divorce. Aw, that’s so sweet. Andy and Debby Madoff will reunite, the Fabulous Noel Girls will keep their husbands, and all will be right with the world, until the pending charges are resolved, anyway.

Damn

Steve Jobs taking a medical leave of absence. In fact, since I’m posting this using my firm’s awful Windows machine, double damn.

Race against time – lost

The condominium unit # 8 at 1 Old Church Road was offered for sale at $1.865 million back in October 2007. It didn’t sell despite several price reductions and now its back with a new broker, new price – 30% off, $1.295, and a new owner – the estate of the original seller. I hope the poor lady didn’t have her heart set on moving before she died. I’ve seen such cases before and often the owner does want to move yet the sales price is too high to accomplish that. Don’t know if that was the situation here but in any event, the heirs are trying obviouslyto achieve a different result.

Cheery News on Home prices

Prediction: Price fall to continue through 2010

Jan. 14 (Bloomberg) — U.S. home prices, already down 23 percent from their July 2006 peak, will continue to fall until the third quarter of next year, PMI Mortgage Insurance Co. said in a report.

Ninety-seven percent of the 381 U.S. metropolitan areas surveyed are likely to have lower home prices in September 2010, according to the Walnut Creek, California-based insurer’s Market Risk Index, which assigns a score to every region based on the likelihood real estate values will be lower in two years.

All real estate is local. Until it isn’t.

Attention (Greenwich) KMart Shoppers!

A reader asks,

I have recently heard that many stores will be closing on the Ave. including Baccarat (no surprise there) Tiffany, J. Crew and Saks – I doubt that one.
Have you heard those rumors?

What do I know from Greenwich Avenue, except to speed across it in my Hummer? Anyone know anything about the health of these stores?

“Honey? I’m home!”

Dun Roamin’.

Andy Madoff’s sale on Craig’s List?

For Sale is a set of high quality fly fishing gear for the discriminating angler. Buy pieces or the entire set at a deep discount!

Included is a Handcrafted 8’6″ 4wt. Fischer Bradley “Tumalo” model Fly Rod. Handmade in Tumalo, OR!!!

The set also includes:
-2pc. Medium Action Rod, Made with IM6 Graphite
-Black Alu. reel seat w/ plain wood
-Cigar cork grip
-Single foot Chrome wire guides
-dark blue blank w/ gold wraps
-This one is built to save cost, but still great action & casting!
***Retails for $110. YOURS FOR ONLY $95***
I will even throw in a free fly case with 4 hand-tied flies!!!

I used this twice but am moving to Ossining, NY. I won’t be able to fish there, so I want this to go to a good home.

Also available:

-NEW!!! Okuma 5/6 reel loaded with Orvis Wonderline sinking line, w/extra spool loaded with
Orvis Wonderline floating line- $75 for set
-LIKE NEW!!! Caddis Nevada Gold float tube w/ flippers (used twice) $95
-LIKE NEW!!! Scientific Angler rod case (used twice) $15

RETAILS FOR more than $400!!! ENTIRE SETUP IS YOURS FOR ONLY $275!!!!!

***PHOTOS AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST***

Respond to 57 Tomac Avenue, Old Greenwich, CT 06870

Bernie’s good until trial

No jail. Bet his neighbor, Mat Lauer is thrilled to have him and his media horde as permanent tenants for the next year.

Perfesser Reynolds – whatta guy!

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More dangerous than being loose in Home Depot

Well I did find that Orvis warehouse sale (just as a reader advised, it’s in the former Comp US store in Norwalk on Rt. One through Jan. 25th). Fly rods 1/2 off, and who doesn’t need a 3 piece 5 wt pack rod for his next backpacking trip?, $98 men’s shirts for $19, bluejeans and fly line for the same $19. Such a deal. I can’t say I saved $79 on the $19 shirt because I wouldn’t pay $98 for a shirt if it glowed in the dark and hummed “Dixie”, but for under $20 it’s a better deal than my usual source, Greenwich Hospital Thrift Store, and it’s new, so I don’t have to wash someone else’s sweat out before wearing it. Same deal with the jeans – Levi’s cost $34, so $19′s a bargain, whatever their original price. Of course the fly rods hover around $600 so even 1/2 off doesn’t exactly scream bargain but when you desperately need a 5wt, are you really going to complain? I thought not.

So now, properly outfitted in Orvis togs and with a nice new rod tucked under my arm, I’m ready to meet the Hooper. She’ll never notice the difference between Andy and me except that I, at least, can still afford to treat her to a cup of coffee.

This is a good time to go to lunch

Oh dear

For me. The Dow could probably use something stronger than a turkey sandwich.

Hedge fund to would-be redeemers: Try this!

Golden Tree hedge Fund has found a brilliant way to treat its investors - they want their money back, they can have it in the form of the toxic sludge that the fund bought on their behalf. I hate to be gross, but Golden Tree sounds more like a golden shower which, I understand, some people actually enjoy. Most don’t.

I bet Ican predict at least one fund that won’t be around next year. Joe Beninati, this isn’t one of your Antare’s tenants, is it?

22% off, still available

I can’t remember whether I’ve seen 520 North Street but from its pictures it looks appealing. A renovated 1840 barn on 4 acres with a pool, it started last spring at $5.0 million and is down now to $3.9. Not too long ago, the new price would have seemed appropriate – I’m not vouching for the original price, in any market – but today? We’ll see.

Waterfront still sells

I mentioned last November (December?) that 16 Highgate Road, 2 acres of waterfront (with house) in Riverside at the end of Indian Head had gone to contract. Its sale price was disclosed yesterday; $10 million. That’s a discount from its asking price of $12.9 million but some of us thought that $10 was the right price all along, so I interpret this as evidence that the market for waterfront is still healthy an not, alas for buyers, that it’s going for a song.

None of the Fabulous Five ever dated Patrick Ewing

"Say it isn't so!"

Rumors are going around that the Fabulous Five’s husbands were a bunch of philandering oafs and that the beautiful Noel girls were known for horsing around a bit themselves. Shocking, but no doubt most disturbing to their fans is the rumor that Marisa Noel dated Patrick Ewing. She’s a Nets fan, for heaven’s sake!

Well here, from an impeccable source, is the true story, with some details edited out to protect anonymity.

My parents’ friends … also told us about Marisa dating a black man (not Patrick Ewing), as well as a Jewish man. The black man thing did not last long, but the Jewish man thing did, and Mrs. N oel forced her to break up with him. This is what Monica Noel TOLD [her friend, who is Jewish herself]! …. then told my mom the story, shaking her head.

Poor Andy Madoff never had a chance.

“Are we collecting fees? Then shut up, Heinzie!”

Swiss bank UPB knew Madoff was crooked, fed clients money to him anyway. This whole affair isn’t helping any feeder fund’s reputation but between UBS’s tax evasion fraud, Lloyd’s money laundering services on behalf of terrorists  (with Barclays and Credit Suisse guilty too) and now this, the entire financial services industry is looking pretty shady. I may be a lawyer and a real estate salesman but at least I never worked for a bank. You can’t say I ever did that!