Phew! Madoff dodges a bullet!

A federal inmate’s lawsuit against Madoff has been tossed out of court as “frivolous”.

Jonathan Lee Riches, who is currently incarcerated in a South Carolina federal prison after being convicted of wire fraud, filed a hand-written motion in early January to inject himself into the case against Mr. Madoff brought by the Securities Investor Protection Corporation. In his motion, Mr. Riches alleges that Mr. Madoff took money from him and other inmates promising a 16.8 percent return, but then transferred the funds to a “Swiss account Ponzi.”

Mr. Riches, however, raised red flags about the veracity of his allegation, claiming that he met Mr. Madoff in 2001 via the online dating site eHarmony.com and that the two had an “intimate relationship.” Among other things, eHarmony has refused until this year to match same-sex couples.

But never mind that inconvenient fact. Mr. Riches says in his motion that Mr. Madoff was attracted to his identity theft skills and that he schooled the former Nasdaq chairman on how to commit fraud for two years.

Mr. Riches also claims he has “documents, photos, exhibits and phone transcripts” that contain “juicy details” about Mr. Madoff, now 70, that he wants to share with the court.

For now, any supposedly salacious details about Mr. Madoff’s improbable tryst with Mr. Riches will remain under wraps.

On Friday in Federal Bankruptcy Court, Judge Burton R. Lifland denied Mr. Riches’s motion to intervene in the case, stating that his “asserted possession of ‘juicy details’” was not grounds for intervention.

If Mr. Riches did invest with Mr. Madoff, the judge ruled, he can file a claim with the bankruptcy court like everyone else.

In his order, the judge also noted that Mr. Riches “is no stranger to the federal courts.” Indeed, the prisoner has filed over a thousand lawsuits in the last three years including ones against Martha Stewart, the New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, former President George W. Bush, the Nascar driver Jeff Gordon and Britney Spears.

It’s just a shame when the Man denies prisoners their Constitutional rights. I feel for this poor guy – would he feel better, I wonder, if I sent him Walt Noel’s address?

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