Okay, scratch that idea, what’ll we do now?

A reader reports, “Saw Walter at Round Hill tonight. No Alzheimer’s evident. Mrs. is in Palm Beach. Not being very well received I am told. Selling the house in South Hampton. Not homesteading the PB house which is under renovation. Wouldn’t look good.”

So what’s he going to do now? Bernie’s already used the “I’m weally, weally sick” defense, and it looks as though the “I forgot” excuse was exhausted by all those Obama nominees. This intrepid reporter has found the answer.

I understand from a confidential memorandum intercepted and published for the first time here that the new Noel legal defense will be based on a theory that Walt was force fed alcohol, dropped on his head from a hotel staircase and then forced to invest with Bernie by Joaquin Taveres , the Noel’s mad Brazilian gardener. Where is that gardener now? Captured and deported single-handedly by Monica herself. What a fabulous girl!

 

It's my fault! It's aaaallllll my fault! Hahahhahhahaha!

It's my fault! It's aaaallllll my fault! Hahahhahhahaha!

7 Comments

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7 responses to “Okay, scratch that idea, what’ll we do now?

  1. Walt

    Chris –
    Your reader’s are not accurate. I was at Round Hill. So they got that right. But no Alzheimer’s evident? Give me a BREAK. I used a sippy cup and wore a dribble bib for Pete’s sake. What do they want me to do? Walk into walls? And if it wasn’t for the valet, I would have lost my car.
    Warmest,
    Walt

  2. anonymous

    don’t post

    ps.

    Southampton and East Hampton. That’s where people get messed up if that makes sense.

  3. Inagua

    Southampton was the last house Walt bought, and it might be his most valuable. Called “Dolphins,” it was designed by McKim, Mead & White in 1885. It sits on the west side of Lake Agawam on First Neck Road.

  4. anonymous

    He bought PB after Southampton for obvious reasons, I think. But Inagua is right about the value and the history.

  5. Inagua

    Thanks for the correction, Anonymous. I assumed Agawam was the last acquisition because of the “new family gathering place” quote from the 2005 Christmas card. That shows the dangers of assuming anything when considering the pent up acquisitiviness of a socially ambitious bank employee who hit it big late in life as a Ponzi Salesman.

    I have been trying without success to confirm that 400 First Neck is on the market, as it would indicate if Walt is really “stepping back” socially.

    Palm Beach might have been in the works as a principal residence for state income taxes purposes initially, and the homestead exemption just became a bonus since the Ponzi collapsed.

  6. anonymous

    I think it safe to say that First Neck is on the market on some level. At any rate, they won’t be able to keep it more than a year or two. They’re not terribly popular there anyway, so I don’t know why they would want to stay. Alix is the only one with a real tie there because Philip grew up there.
    And it most certainly is there most valuable real estate asset by a lot (although I don’t know anything about Mustique real estate.) On top of it, they were turned down from all the clubs in Southampton. Seems like Greenwich is where all their fans are which is kind of funny, because I was always under the impression that Greenwich was more of a stand-up place than Southampton.

    I know the house in Palm Beach – it was Johnny Pickett’s old house but thanks anyway.