Dealbreaker: Bernie’s gonna be just fine

Darn it, they may be right.

[I]t’s probably just going to be a lot of monotony, which will be boring but let’s be honest– he’s a 71 and the alternative, had he not run into some legal troubles, would’ve been puttering around Boca with Ruth squawking in the background. With this new change in life plans, he’ll be mixing it up, making friends and actually making money. Between 12 and 40 cents an hour, depending on the gig and its seniority! He’ll also have the time to get in shape, since there’ll probably be a walking track and basketball court, where you just know he’ll be hustling guys twice his size on the regular. Finally, let us not forget that being thrown in the slammer will actually provide some measure of relief to Big B, who will be free, mentally-speaking, for the first time in his adult life, assuming that former employee wasn’t just blowing smoke re: Ponz Boy being obsessed with symmetry and straight lines.

Of course, Bernie’s obsessive need for cleanliness probably won’t jibe with the less than spotless conditions of wherever he ends up, but presumably fellow inmates will have no problem dressing him up in a French maid costume and scrubbing on hands and knees.