Maris Noel Brown has gone to contract on her New York apartment. I hope that, unlike Ruth Madoff, she can take her chinchilla with her.
Filed under Uncategorized
Tagged as Marisa Noel, Ruth Madoff
Can’t help thinking that people probably feel Bourke has had his head up his ass for years.
Well I am shocked and disgusted to hear all of you braying in delight as my daughter is forced to dump her lifelong dream project of an UES townhouse. I have told her all her life that she deserves one, her very own, and that I would do whatever it took to get one for her (and something similar for each sister, too…I was even going to get her some ponies for it, the sweet little princess).
And didn’t I though? First I found them all husbands in the 3 comma range, then I introduced my bumbling husband to a lot of rich people. After that I went to work on the rich people to give us their money.
We are scandal-free, as all readers of [my pr piece] in T&C knows in their hearts. I am from the finest Swiss-Brazilian stock. We never socialized with the Madoffs and now they have ruined us. I would never do anything illegal or wrong or trashy, and you can take that to the [offshore] bank. OOooh! The Pain! All of my beautiful real estate! All gone! We have nothing, despite what my idiot housekeeper might be writing on this blog.
Now all of you filthy working swine go back to your hovels and give us back our divine right to live in luxury!
Well, I feel obliged to chime in to this issue. The Noels have been unfairly and unjustly criticized for the illegal actions of someone who’s simply not in their class. As the family dog, I’ve been a member of the Noel family now for 10 years. And what wonderful years they were! I traveled the world in style on the family jet, went everywhere with the beautiful daughters, was groomed on a weekly basis by a hairdresser who came to our house on Round Hill Road. Every Christmas in Mustique got better and better. Everyone loved us!
The first year I got a few chew toys from Alix. Not much, but I wasn’t expecting anything anyway, so it was a plus. The next year, Marissa gave me a cute little green velvet and tartan outfit that I wore through the holidays (God, it was such a relief to wear beautiful clothes just like the daughters. I finally felt like an insider!) That set the stage for some wonderful years as each sister tried to out-do the others on lavishing me with presents. I lost count of the number of gifts, but I certainly remember Corrina’s whole filet mignon, which lasted a good two weeks. Then there was Lisina’s present of a doggie-sized tennis bracelet she put around my neck – I loved it! But I noticed, after the gifts started coming, the servants started treating me a little different after that, though they were very careful not to do it in front of the Noel girls. To get back at them, I crapped in their quarters every chance I got. I even got one fired when she dared to complain to Walter about my “habit” – as if a stupid peasant servant girl from Honduras even ranked in my league!
Yes, every Christmas was magical – until last year. God, the horrible memories! Walt coming in the door just a few days before Christmas, looking like he’d aged twenty years in a day – I was sure he was going to jet off to Switzerland for another quick nip and tuck. But no, he bravely went to the office the next day, looking for some way to make it all come back. Alas, he couldn’t do it.
I was there the night he told his daughters they wouldn’t be going to Mustique for Christmas. You couldn’t imagine a more sorrowful scene. Poor Marissa was bawling – absolutely bawling , “But Daddy, we go EVERY year! This just isn’t fair!” Lisina was simply catatonic, humming some calypso song in the corner. Meanwhile, Corinna and Alix were arguing about the impropriety of flying down there first class commercial while Gramommy Monica was quietly taking hefty sips out of her vodka gimlet while brushing a granddaughter’s hair so hard it was being pulled out. The husbands were all in a corner, whispering amongst themselves. Even the servants looked sad. Walt looked like a deflated balloon for the rest of the week.
Still, they managed to put on a brave face. They even had the servants go out and buy a tree, and they paid them to decorate it, too! Of course, those ungrateful servants weren’t too happy to take checks for payment. The Noels showed remarkable élan when the big day came, all of them wearing their beach attire and serving themselves all those funny-colored drinks. I must say, they even managed to get me a new chew toy, a Bernie Madoff doll. Unfortunately, I had a hard time chewing it with all those pins in it.
So, to all the rogues who dare criticize my family, I’ll have you know that you just don’t know how wonderful this family is – please, get to know them before judging them!
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