A report released by the History Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences claims that archaeologists discovered the lair of the mythical animal just outside a temple in the capital Pyongyang.
And, unsurprisingly, the lair – according to the report – means that Pyongyang was the focal point of an ancient, united Korea.
“This discovery was inevitable”, Greenwich Democrat Charwoman Gastric told reporters. “We used the same exact scientific methods employed in our economic analyses of entitlement benefits, so of course the favorable outcome of this search was completely expected and predictable.”
Gastric also reported that the unicorn was found sleeping underneath a melting glacier and atop the very first Social Security card issued by the United States, in the name of Kim Jong-un and signed by Eleanor Roosevelt herself.