Is there still time for him to provide tutorials on keeping up appearances on Round Hill?

Walter and I will be sunning on Mustique until, of course, we leave for Monaco for the season

Walter and I will be sunning on Mustique until, of course, we head to Monaco for the season

Obnoxious financial industry lawyer holds going away party for himself where he regales “friends” with tales of his upcoming ten year, around the world vacation.

Ten years unless he behaves himself, in which case he might come home early. DUI conviction is sending him upstate.

A pretentious Manhattan socialite hosted a swanky, “black tie optional” bash in January — where he sipped champagne with his fabulous friends and boasted of an upcoming years-long vacation to Europe he was about take.

Tabber Benedict bellied up to the bar at Chelsea’s Bungalow 8 — with a woman on his arm — and bent his friends’ ears about the planned jaunt and all the places he was going to visit.

But the finance lawyer was hiding the real, sinister reason he was saying his farewells.

He was going to prison for nearly killing a man.

About two years ago, the West Village denizen slammed his SUV into a Long Island dad after a night of hard partying in the Hamptons — and left his victim for dead, records show.

I’m thinking that up on Rogues Hill Road there are a number of folks who might appreciate hearing from one of their own how to explain their own absences of indeterminate length. Nothing disturbs a man’s solitude more than learning that cruel real estate agents are pressing his wife and her new boyfriend to list the house, or that the neighbors are poaching the nanny; Tabber can help keep those harpies away from the door.

And not just for tours of Otisville either. In the unfortunate event that a titan of Wall Street runs afoul of a DUI roadblock out of town, manned by officers who do not “know who he is”  a six-month jaunt at a Palm Springs rehab might be in order; well, wouldn’t Tabber’s advice be useful there, too? I think so.

16 Comments

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16 responses to “Is there still time for him to provide tutorials on keeping up appearances on Round Hill?

  1. Mickster

    Refering to female realtors as “harpies” ??? Not many will appreciate that.I had to look it up – I thought it was another Irish insult…lol

  2. Anon

    Pretentious Socialite? Isn’t that redundant? My guess is that his real name is Guido Benedictini and somewhere along the line he decided to become a faux WASP. Not to mention he looks gay as a blade to me. Maybe prison will be more fun than the going away party!

  3. Cobra

    Lucky Pierre in Otisville, coming up.

    • Anon

      Thanks for the edification. I didnt know it had a gay connotation; I thought it was the guy between two girls. Hey, whatever floats your boat.

  4. Anonymous

    Chris

    Please do NOT stop posting specific information on real estate. When you point out the obvious it does not make you the bad guy. You are just saying it out loud. Things like noise, price comparison, lack of updates, size, swamp/land are all things that anyone truly interested in a home would see with their own eyes. Frankly, this is what they are looking for – I am not sure by whispering these descriptions like people whisper the word “cancer” makes it go away or make less appealing. People need to get over their Puritan ways. Anyone can see and hear that I 95 is right THERE. This is not Mensa material.

    • Fanboy

      I understand your need to avoid getting sued, but I am doubling down on the above sentiment. Every listing I receive from my agent I run a boolean search including FWIW. While your off color remarks range from refreshing to nauseating to questionable (you will have an Imus moment that you can’t get out of eventually so keep up the Walt Persona) to really f*cking funny, your real estate analysis has been spot on when you have covered houses that I have viewed. I have had two friends move to Greenwich and sent them both to the blog so that they could hopefully avoid the pitfalls that many agents carefully do not disclose.

      Don’t wimp out on us now. Don’t allude, suggest, intimate or whisper. No reading between the lines, allegories or metaphors…call bs BS! HOWL Man (I’m sure you are a fan of Alan Ginsberg) at the the cloying agents, the climbing buyers, the entitled obtuse sellers, the women who come and go talking of Michelangelo!

      Continue on and you are cordially invited to come recurve bow hunting on the property of my unachievable fantasy estate in backcountry.

  5. Must be missing something...

    Walt and CF are not the same person/ being.
    Please give more real estate info of any sort.