Tag Archives: Bill Gaston

Social Security system is solvent, solar energy will meet our needs, and now this:

Scholar and explorer, William Gastric, Greenwich

Scholar and explorer, William Gastric, Greenwich

Ancient unicorn lair uncovered near Pyongyang. 

A report released by the History Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences claims that archaeologists discovered the lair of the mythical animal just outside a temple in the capital Pyongyang.

And, unsurprisingly, the lair – according to the report – means that Pyongyang was the focal point of an ancient, united Korea.

“This discovery was inevitable”, Greenwich Democrat Charwoman Gastric told reporters. “We used the same exact scientific methods employed in our economic analyses of entitlement benefits, so of course the favorable outcome of this search was completely expected and predictable.”
Gastric also reported that the unicorn was found sleeping underneath a melting glacier and atop the very first Social Security card issued by the United States, in the name of Kim Jong-un and signed by Eleanor Roosevelt herself.

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China has hired Greenwich Democrat Bill Gastric as its humor consultant

That’s not funny

China media congratulates North Korean leader Kim Jong Un for being named the Onion’s “Sexiest Man Alive, 2012″

“With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true.”

“Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper’s editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile,” the People’s Daily cited The Onion as saying.

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