What’s happening with Bentleys?
By Amanda Von Stuckle

What with all this fooferall about house prices dropping a teensey bit I decided to vist my pal George Louderkin III, the wonderful salesman who sold me my first luxury car years ago when I cashed out of the internet boom. The man’s a saint, as you can see.
George seemed relaxed, if unoccupied when I stopped by so after the obligatory buss on both cheeks and the air kiss (George is so emotive!) we got down to business.
AVS: So George, how are you doing, and how are my friends handling all this? Are they still buying your cars?
GL III: Absolutely, Amanda, like they’ve never heard of a CDO in their lives.
AVS: That’s great. What about the other salesmen here – same story?
GL III: What other salesmen?
AVS: Gone?
GL III: Like yesterday’s news, baby. Half are selling Fords, the other half went into real estate. Except for Jerry – remember Jerry? He’s out back washing cars.
AVS: But you’re doing okay?
GL III: You bet. especially with this new discount program we got going: 110% off.
AVS: 110%? but that’s –
GL III: You got it, Baby. We pay you to take the sucker away. Ya want an Arnage? Top of the line Bentley. $255,000 retail, so we give you the car and pay you $25,500 for your trouble.
AVS: That’s incredible. Does it come with, you know, tires and a radio?
GL III: Those things’ll cost a little more; say, top out at $350 K.
AVS: So I’d get …
GL III: $35,000. Uh huh.
AVS: How are you going to stay in business this way?
GL III: Volume, Baby, we make it back in volume. And especially if you want a loan.
AVS: Why would I want a loan if you’re paying me to take the car?
GL III: It’s a special deal we got going. We give you a little more, say $50 grand, you sign a promissory note for $100 big ones and we sell it.
AVS: But then I’d owe money …
GL III: Not if no one knows who you are.
AVS: But you know who I am.
GL III: Not if you take out a loan I don’t. Sign the papers – Miss Penelope Strong, I don’t give a f..k, and I never heard of you in my life.
AVS: And this is legal?
GL III: Sure it is, Baby. just ask Hank Paulson.
AVS: Our Treasury Secretary? Is he in town?
GL III: He’s staying up at Dickie Fuld’s place, in the guest cottage. But yeah – call him, see if he sees anything wrong with this. I’m telling ya now, he won’t: who do you think came up with the idea? Goldman Effin Sachs, that’s who.
AVS: That’s great – I’ll take one. You have a convertible?
GL III: You got it. Any choice in color?

4 Comments

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4 responses to “

  1. Anonymous

    Guess you can’t hit a home run every time at bat. That sucked! Can I say that?

  2. Chris Fountain

    You can and you did, but I’m beginning to find you tiresome. Why don’t you start your own blog? It’s free and as you can see, even an idiot can do it.

  3. Anonymous

    Now that was the witty comeback I was looking for Chris (even though I kind of agree, sorry).

    -Stanwich

  4. Bill Clark

    I’m beginning to develop a major crush on Amanda. In fact, she and I had our first date yesterday afternoon when we went to the Havemeyer Building together to pick up the Harris survey. She basically saved my life…she’s my knightess in shining armor!