A recurring topic because we real estate agents are so darn creative! In no particular order:
“Lake”: any body of water large enough to hold a (small) frog.
“Trout Stream”: any trickle of water too small to be called a lake.
“Renovated”: if no mention is made of anything specific, assume that there’s nothing to mention, so count on the dust bunnies having been swept from under the beds and, maybe, ashes cleaned from the fireplace.
“On the Stamford/Greenwich border”: in Stamford
“Enjoy as is, renovate or start anew”: Reserve a dumpster.
“Has great potential”: Reserve a dumpster.
“Convenient to transportation”: backs up to I-95.
“Not a drive-by”: It’s a drive by – and keep driving.
“Must see”: Same advice – keep driving.
“Motivated Seller”: We can’t possibly unload the place at its current price but the dumbass seller won’t publicly admit it – bring a low-ball offer and let’s talk.
“Won’t last”: It did, or we wouldn’t still be advertising the turkey.
Send in your own favorites and I’ll add them here.
Reader Updates: “seasonal water views”. Go up on the roof, climb a step ladder and wow!. I myself, because I’m a truthful sort of guy, prefer to call these nature sightings “seasonal water glimpses”.
“Much loved” = obsolete
“Charming” = small
Cozy – means that it’s really a dollhouse or doghouse
New paint – it’s amazing how far $5 per gallon paint goes
New carpet – covering up the scratched hardwood floors
Close to Park – SO close that you’ll never find a parking spot
Peaceful backyard– because 36,000 cars drive by the front yard each day.
Professionally remodeled – the owner and their siblings didn’t do the work, the neighbor’s sister’s husband’s son did.
Movable center island – the kids ran into it so many times it came loose.
Quaint – it’s pink!
Steps to the creek – be ready to sandbag the front yard each spring.
On golf course – high insurance for broken windows
“Classic”: brand-new, trying to look established
“Georgian”: anything with stone, no matter how little of it, on any part of the facade, even if you need a magnifying glass to find it.
“Condo alternative” – so small that only a single person or couple can live in it.
“Compound” or “retreat” sounds like it’s in the middle of a war zone
“First time on market in 70 years” : Last updated when Grandpa sold the horse and used the proceeds to replace the outhouse.
“Lovingly maintained”–the harvest gold appliances still work like a charm and the sheet vinyl in the kitchen has been so carefully patched, you’ll hardly notice.