PETA: “We were wrong”

Fresh from a near death experience aboard US Air’s LaGuardia/Charlotte flight, PETA president Natale Jarnstadt announced today her organization’s support for unlimited goose hunting around all metropolitan airports. “I looked out my window as we were climbing,” Jarnstadt told reporters, “and just as I was thinking ‘oh, how beautiful all God’s creatures are, great and small’, one of the fuckers got sucked into the engine right outside my window and blew the damn thing up – pow!’ 

“This is ridiculous,” she continued, “and frankly, so were we. These park poopers have got to go and beginning today, PETA’s gonna do something about it. We’re cashing in our endowment and buying mobile gassing vans which we’ll deploy to parks and airports as necessary. We’re not quitting until Canadian Geese are as forgotten as Passenger Pigeons. Good bye and good riddance! Humans have a right to life, God damn it, and we can’t let that right be jeopardized by flying rats.”

 

Natalie Jarnstadt, new boyfriend Andy Madoff, and Rex and King

Natalie Jarnstadt, new boyfriend Andy Madoff, and Rex and King

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One response to “PETA: “We were wrong”

  1. Anonymous

    Yeah!! I love it!! I’ll supply her 500 poopers from my back lawn.