Toilet wars postponed

toiletsThe P&Z punted on Olga’s Russian tea house proposed for Simmons Lane this morning at 2:00 AM, deferring until another day the burning issue of how many toilets are enough. It was rumored, falsely no doubt, that Steven Cohen was determined not to lose the title of Toilet King with his own 199 scattered around his 32,000 square feet but neither he nor his legal mouthpiece appeared. Perhaps because he’s already lost the “who’s got the biggest freakin’ chunk of rock, timber and fescue in this town” battle anyway, or he will if Olga prevails. Turns out, Olga’s place will, as designed, contain 733,000 cubic feet of space. Of the five largest existing houses in town, the largest only has 480,000. You’re probably wondering how anyone can make do with such cramped quarters but Greenwich has always attracted modest people with understated taste so apparently, until the Russians showed up, our billionaires just made do. That era is almost over, sadly.


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5 responses to “Toilet wars postponed

  1. anonymous

    If Greenwich actually had rigorous permit standards, spec builders wouldn’t have had such an easy time littering the town w/their many unsold houses

    Suspect these “troubled” permit apps merely reflect those who don’t know how to generously “donate” as philanthropic, upstanding members of the diverse Greenwich community….

  2. I wasn’t firsty enough.


  3. Anonymous

    Somehow, I doubt that Steve Cohen’s house has 199 toilets.

    • christopherfountain

      Typo, but when I went to correct it I thought, “how do I know how many toilets it has?” If someone hadn’t told me, for instance, I’d never had guessed that it has a Zamboni. So I left it as is, but I agree: it’s more likely that the proper number is 19.

  4. fred

    If you’ve ever had Johnny B as a house guest, you’ll un-doubtebly need at least 19 toilets.