Hey, Valentine’s Day is approaching and that big loveable hunk who used to take you to the Hamptons on weekends while telling the Little Woman that he was busy with an IPO is moping around, feeling sorry for himself feeling guilty about his family and doing nothing to brighten your day. Well here’s a way to cheer the guy up and get him clubbing at Greenhouse again: The Catholic Church is back in the indulgence business. That’s right, you can pick up one of these for the fellow, he says a few Hail Mary’s and presto, he’s ready for more sinning! Such a deal and if you order before February 14th you can get a personal “Fuggaddaboutit” card signed by the Pope’s own facsimile machine. Conditions? Just a few, and the NYT explains them:
There are partial indulgences, which reduce purgatorial time by a certain number of days or years, and plenary indulgences, which eliminate all of it. You can get one for yourself, or for someone else, living or dead. You cannot buy one — the church outlawed the sale of indulgences in 1857 — but charitable contributions, combined with other acts, can help you earn one. There is a limit of one plenary indulgence per sinner per day.
The scope of that one-a-day indulgence depends on the size of your contribution, naturally, so be sure to order an extra-large. This is not the place to go cheap – not on Valantine’s Day, girl!