Russian Castle approved for Simmons Lane – one P&Z member secretly rejoices


Artist's Rendering

Artist's Rendering

Concluding that there was nothing in Greenwich zoning regulations to prohibit it, the town’s Planning & Zoning Commission last night approved that Russian oligarchs plan to erect a 697,000 square foot cottage on Simmons Lane. Although neighbors objected to the size of the Russian Billionaire Valery Kogan’s plans, one member of the P&Z was sanguine.

“Well sure, it’s a little large,” said a P&Z member who spoke anonymously so that he could remain anonymous, “but look on the bright side – this guy’s bound to piss off Putin sooner or later – probably sooner. When he does, it’s the poison-tipped umbrella trick for him, or maybe some goons will show up and bundle him off to Siberia. Whatever, the place will be ours and we’re going to be able to satisfy our low-income housing mandate from the state in one fell swoop. Let those assholes in Hartford complain about our poor when we have six hundred of them living in a mansion right in the mid-country. With 400 baths! We won’t hear from those officious, meddlesome idiots for years.”


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8 responses to “Russian Castle approved for Simmons Lane – one P&Z member secretly rejoices

  1. Anonymous

    You can’t fool me, that artist’s rendering is not of original thought. I’d know that place anywhere, my family owns it. It’s our weekend cottage in Windsor, England.

  2. anthonyfountain

    If we can have the Petit Trianon on North Street, why not Windsor Castle on Simmons Lane?

    • christopherfountain

      Well it will be “in the fashion of” Windsor but surely the Russians will do it bigger. Peter would have wanted it that way.

  3. Anonymous

    As per, 18 Simmons Lane is a beautiful home and property! Why on earth would these Russians knock this home down? Chris, do you know how much they paid for the property and when?

  4. NHRR

    The existing house was over 19,000sf, and the huge replacement is planned at over 21,000sf, or only 10% larger. Would anyone notice the difference?

    The neighbors are objecting to the Russian/mafia aesthetics that are planned. Here’s a proposal for the P&Z: new regulations prohibiting greco-roman statues on the front lawn, a la My Big Fat Greek Wedding…

  5. greenmtnpunter

    Have you ever seen Ceausescu’s Palace in Bucharest? Romanian Modern Chateau with classical Soviet accents.

  6. gideonfountain

    (Make that 697,000 CUBIC feet, not square feet….)