The Governor of California is obviously a fan of National Lampoon, and so in his endless quest to get federal bailout funds he’s threatened to close all public parks, slash the school budget (good!) and now, I kid you not, kill puppies! Here’s a better idea, Arnold: close up Sacramento and send everybody home for three years. Eliminate anything to do with art in San Francisco and Los Angeles. Line up every state worker in rows and decimate them. Then line up the survivors and do it again. repeat as necessary. Sell the state helicopter. You need anything else, give me a call – I’ve got lots of helpful ideas.
Daily Archives: June 23, 2009
Admitting utter failure in solving homicides in Greenwich, Police Chief Ridberg has announced a new “back to basics campaign.”
Following a focus of its efforts on enforcing state seat belt laws last month, the Greenwich Police Department is focusing on red light violations in June. Patrol officers and the Traffic Enforcement Unit will be concentrating their efforts across town to enforce signal lights. Violations carry a $124 fine.
“We did cellphones in April, seatbelts in May and now we’re onto red lights,” Ridberg said at a news conference today. “We moving up the ladder in degrees of difficulty. By the time school starts in September we’ll be ready to tackle enforcing helmet laws on those kids riding their bikes to Central Middle. As we go along, our patrol men will gain confidence in themselves and their problem solving abilities. The finale to all this is a retreat we’ll be attending in October – the whole force, to upstate Connecticut ,where we’ll practice falling into each other’s arms, building rope bridges and singing Kumbaya round a real campfire. By November, Murder, Inc. better watch out – Greenwich won’t be the whipping boy for those guys ever again.”
Ruth can’t get her hair dyed at her usual salon, Mark and Andy are despised by their peers in New York and Greenwich and Bernie, poor Bernie, is scared that someone wants him behind bars for more than twelve years. All this tragedy is what no doubt prompted Andy’s main squeeze, Catherine Hoops Hooper to call this blog with a message of compassion and love. “They’ve suffered enough”, she told us, “even Minnesota Peg agrees.” It’s time to forgive, forget and let bygones be bygones.” Who could disagree? But Hoops, if Andy does lose all his money and you still want to go to the Keys this winter, let’s talk.
The National Association of Realtors represents – surprise! – Realtors, and as such, it’s always got our back. Today, its chief economist was on TV explaining that house prices aren’t really all that low, its those darn appraisers jabbing sticks in the spokes by using distress sales and foreclosures as comparisons. Look – take a spec house on, oh, say, Beechcroft Lane. Is it worth its $7.9 million asking price? You damn well bet it is! But some appraiser who, in the words of our NAR, is “from out of town and unfamiliar with a neighborhood’s value” is going to wander directly across the street, find another spec house of exactly the same size that sold for $6 million last July and use that sale as a comparable value!Hell, he might even discount that price 30% or so to accommodate the past year’s price drop. Does he know that the sale was by a “distressed” builder? He does not and worse, he doesn’t care. He says he’s “marking to market” when we Realtors know he’s artificially lowering the values of existing houses from their “real” worth. Who defines real worth? Sellers and their listing agents, who’d you think?
If you have trouble understanding this concept, blame a poor education. Plato explained it all, what with those guys in a cave (that would be the myopic appraisers) who see shadows of the perfect ideal. Realtors are the Platos in this scenario. Just ask us.
And now he’s being sued by the Madoff bankruptcy Trustee. Seems that Jeffrey Picower may have known what mischievous Bernie was up to all along. Bad boy, Jeffrey.
In the days and weeks following the collapse of Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi sheme, the foundations funded by media-shy Jeffrey Picower – The Picower Foundation at MIT and The Picower Institute for Medical Research – were considered some of Madoff’s biggest victims. But, as it turns out, their generous benefactor may have known about the scheme all along, to the tune of $5.1 billion in returns from his various Madoff accounts.
Hey Walt, maybe you can ask this guy for some of your money back – seems as though what you lost ended up in his pocket.
Here at Fudrucker & Fontanski Discount Realty we understand: you’ve got $12.7 million burning a hole in your pocket but what with Obama’s need for bailout funds and Al Gore’s demand that you help him fuel his houseboat with bio-diesel, do you really feel comfortable spending so much on yourself? We didn’t think so. Here’s an alternative on 85 Cognewaugh Road. $819,00, marked down 12% from its original asking price of $929,000. It’s clean, bright and looks very nice. It has the usual Cognewaugh backyard – rocks and stuff – but I think it’s looking decent in its new price. The sellers bought it for $420,000 in 1992 dollars and renovated it in 2003. Maybe an offer in the 7’s? I think you could get a good deal here.
Here’s a fun chart from Zerohedge – mass layoffs accelerating.