Next stop, Governor of South Carolina

Riverside resident Stephen “Dildo” Dent is back in the news again because yet another blackmailer has surfaced. Same old (for Mr. Dent) story: promises of kinky sex, lots of cash, then blackmail. It is, to make this clear, the blackmailers who were visiting our court system yesterday and not Dent himself, yet,  but even so, he’s finding Riverside to be a little too parochial, a little too square.

“I’ve had it with the moralistic turds around here,” Dent told this reporter in an exclusive interview from the window of his Bentley. “A guy needs a little r&r, some ol’ in-and-out with maybe some clothesline and latex tossed in for excitement and you’d think he was some kind of of pervert or something. I’m going where the sun keeps shining, where the weather suits my clothes, or lack of them. I’m heading south to enter politics. Tine for Sanford to go – now there’s a nut job.”

Asked if he had the brains and skills to replace South Carolina’s embattled governor, Dent bristled: “I went to Harvard,” he pointed out. “Doesn’t that just say it all?”

It did for this reporter and he left to place a call to another comeback kid, Eliot Spitzer.

1 Comment

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One response to “Next stop, Governor of South Carolina

  1. Walt

    OK Dude.
    So now you are going to be a comedian? Stick with your day job. Oh wait. YOU DON”T HAVE A DAY JOB!!!!
    Seriously Dude, you need to focus. You are flopping around like a fish on dry land. You are acting desperate. It’s pathetic.
    Old Uncle Walt will take care of you. I never let anyone down. OK, maybe once, but that wasn’t my fault.
    Anyhow’s, FOCUS. We have a backup plan for you. TABLE REENGINEERING. Stuff that in your back pocket. It’s there if you need it.
    But FOCUS on being a professional Dick. You have the tools and the talent for this one, Dude. Just trust me on this one. You are the biggest Dick I know, and you are really good at it. So stay the course.
    OFF TO BRUNCH!!!!
    Your Pal,
    Walt