Rooms without a view

Susan Nova, Greenwich Times hard hitting real estate reporter has a full expose today on the Steamboat Road  “Oneida” condos, known affectionately to locals as Porky Manero’s II. Frankly I’m surprised that Greenwich Time, so thoroughly dependent on real estate advertising for what’s left of its revenue, would permit this kind of scandalous information to be printed but I guess journalistic integrity won out, and good for them.

Nova reveals that Oneida is named after three different previous incarnations. The Oneida Indian Tribe, the rather hapless branch of Iroquois who, aside from specializing in torturing captives, accomplished little during their time in this country. They foolishly sided with the Colonists during the Revolution when their brethren went with the British and, ironically enough, had to flee to Canada after the war. Hardly inspirational.

Most exciting, perhaps, is the second Oneida, the communist community in Upstate New York that practiced free love, no marriage and promoted sexual intercourse between all members (so to speak).  Again, an odd sort of choice to name a condominium project after, unless it is designed to attract swingers.

Odder still, perhaps, is the third Oneida, which Nova points out was ” the 200-foot Oneida that President Grover Cleveland had surgery to remove a malignant tumor from his jaw.” What that really entailed was knocking out teeth and digging out the roof of the mouth up to the poor guy’s eyeballs and I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t like the idea of staring put to sea from my $8 million unit and thinking about surgeons, scalpels and blood. I prefer to reflect on those frisky commie lasses, thank you very much. Of course, because the view is blocked by the now-vacant Greenwich Capital building, the issue is moot, but still.

Is there anywhere one can see the water from these units? Nova says there is; or I think she does: 

Beyond the all-glass atrium ceiling on the topmost level is the roof deck vaunting direct harbor views and an elaborate outdoor kitchen, with natural stone counters, ice maker, beverage center and Viking professional grill and rotisserie. There are two outdoor flat-screen TVs, a hot tub and space to wine and dine an extensive guest list.

I’m just guessing here, but I believe Nova employs the word “vaunting” to mean “boasting” and I suppose that’s okay, maybe. But for all that money, do I really want to have to climb up to my roof to see the Grass Island Sewer Plant? Perhaps not.


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15 responses to “Rooms without a view

  1. anon

    I miss Manero’s.

  2. Anonymous

    Just drove by this place yesterday and was shocked to see this behemoth……so out of character and so out of place. The only water views possible would be puddles forming on the sidewalk of the former Greenwich Capital headquarters after a downpour. Who are the geniuses behind this clusterf**k??

    • christopherfountain

      I actually like the design-far nicer than the monster on the water. Maybe Oneida could buy it, tear it down and provide views for the condos. It would increase their chance of getting closer to asking price.

  3. Oldie But Goodie

    Golly, a full page ad for free. I love the use of the words “envisions” and “prospective buyer” – I looked up those in the dictionary and I found synonyms “as if” and “in your dreams”. And who doesn’t already have Calcutta marble counter tops and greige tile backsplashes? See you in in a year.

    • christopherfountain

      GT has been providing that service to its advertisers via Nova’s “column” for twenty years.

  4. Oldie But Goodie

    So tell me, GT editors pick a real estate project weekly for Nova to write glowingly without any black box warning “objects in article are worse than they appear?” When can MY house be her column? I’ve got a pistachio bathroom too. Vintage 1971.

    • christopherfountain

      You probably don’t want to be in her column, Oldie, because generally she focuses on pathetic losers that have been sitting on the market forever. Sort of like “House of the Weak” (I’m being funny) in Greenwich Post.

  5. Dave

    The article states “In its heyday, the restaurant served more than 1,100 dinners on Saturday nights and did $10 million a week in business.”

    I’m no math whiz and don’t know much about the restaurant business either but that seems like a lot of money. More than a million dollars a day selling steaks would offer a better ROI than condos.

    Probably just a typo…

    • christopherfountain

      My guess is that it’s like that $700 million bridge in Roawayton they wrote about. Money means nothing to Greenwich Time, I suppose.

  6. Mouse

    Didn’t you used to write for the Greenwich Post?

  7. John

    Concerning the math whiz at GT, 1,100 dinners at a hundred bucks a pop is 110,000 dollars on the presumably busy Saturday nights. If there were a hundred such Saturdays in a week you could easily exceed the ten million mark…..My new career at the Treasury Dept. beckons.

  8. Chief Ridberg

    My brother designed the joint, and I still don’t know wtf greige means. But rest assured, parking boats at the curb is restricted to weekends – valet parking (nice blue uniforms) only.

  9. Towny

    The Oneida’s are a sister tribe to the great Cos Cob clan, The Awopahos.

  10. Cos Cobber

    Really Towny? Tell me more about the Awopahos.