Can you hold it until January?

Descending to new depths of squalor and misery, the people’s Paradise of Cuba has run out of toilet paper and can’t afford to buy more until next year. How much you want to bet that el Jeffe himself will not be using his left hand to clean himself during the next few months?

My suggestion: all those Cuba lovers in the U.S. who don’t mind a little political repression, torture or imprisonment of gays just so long as its done by a communist enemy of our country might want to start a toilet paper recycling campaign where we can dry out our used paper and send it down south. As symbolism, I think it’s something people of all political persuasions can get behind.

I’ll get on the wire to Barbra Streisands’s publicist right now.

UPDATE: Wow, that was quick! Babs loved the idea, and she’s already started a TP-drying farm out there in Malibu. Next up, Sean Penn!

Streisand dries toilet paper in Malibu

Streisand dries toilet paper in Malibu

UPDATE II: Uh oh, trouble brewing between the econuts that may make the current feud between Taliban leaders look like just a fun day at the beach for the religion of peace. This environmentalist says that toilet paper is ruining our environment and that anyone who uses the stuff intead of a pinecone or her fingertips is “just a fucking spoiled, big-nosed diva.” Will Barbra take that sitting down, so to speak? Stay tuned.
UPDATE III: Vowing that “a Castro in need is a friend of us Democrats indeed” Connecticut Congressman has promised to wipe out the tp shortage down there among the palms by conducting his own paper drive here in the tri-state area. He announced this new initiative at his alma mater, the Lawrenceville School, just this evening, in the New Jersey town where the man prepped. Shown below, the Congressman is greeted by the Lawrenceville School Scholarship Team, dressed,you will note, in toiletpaper – striped uniforms.


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3 responses to “Can you hold it until January?

  1. The Duke of Deception

    Good time to invade Cuba, we’d wipe the floor with them.

    Hey, it’s early!

  2. anonymous

    Commies prefer mass transit and unions; and hate daily showers, TP and A/C…besides, what’s the point of underwear if one has TP?

  3. Walt

    Dude –
    I married off 5 of them. Years ago. And this is the first one in the UK? What is going on over ther?
    Your Pal,