Made it to Venice

Got here (well almost – I think we’re still on the mainland, at the Hotel Moderno which, despite its name, is quite charming and …old. But is has Internet. I’ll have pictures to post once my iPhone recovers from battery depletion but I wanted to alert some of you – Walt, I mean you – to the best travel tip since wearing sandals and see-through garments: a wheelchair passenger.

Walt, you’ll love this (and Greenwich Girl, avert your eyes – it will only upset you). I figure with what Monica’s gone through this year she’ll fit the part perfectly but otherwise, man, strip down to your Depends and hop on board a wheelchair.It gets you everywhere, ahead of everyone. Line at the check-in? Not for the wheeled – right to the front, escorted there personally by cheerful airport personnel in bright yellow shirts. Same thing for customs, boarding, you name it, whisk right on by.

“But Chris,” I can hear you whining already, you cheap skate, “isn’t it expensive having all those porters working for you? Don’t they expect tips or something?” AHA! here is my next important trip. Before leaving, I had purchased a roll of shiny new states quarters – the ones with pictures of our respective fifty states – and pressed one into the grasping paws of each wheelchair pusher who, having run us around 12 miles from one end of Madrid Airport to the other, for instance. Judging from the look of surprise on their faces, I don’t believe they’d ever received on before. It’s so nice to be a gracious American spreading good will throughout the world, don’t you agree Walt? And of course, the price can’t be beat.

So chew on that, Walt, as you mull your escape. I’m off to feed those famous pigeons. I’ve listened to my Tom Lehr and brought along something special, just for them.


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3 responses to “Made it to Venice

  1. Monica is thrilled

    Walt cheers us on from Rio courtesy Madoff dollars

  2. kidding really?

    go on vacation… we’ll still be here when you get back with all the unsold property, lame politicians, etc….

    If you continue to blog I will lose some respect. Chris you’re in Italy…. enjoy it.

  3. Greenwich Gal

    My husband and I lovingly passed up our reservation at La Paloma in Cabo, Mexico so we could take our children to Disney World. (What were we thinking, right?) We had been holding out until they were the right age to enjoy all the thrills. I can’t tell you my outrage and disgust with the people who, perfectly healthy mind you, had obtained wheelchairs so they- and their family – could skip the line and be placed immediately on the rides! Often, I saw these people leave the ride and once down the exit ramp, give the wheelchair to another family member in which to perpetrate the ruse. It really was hilarious and sad. (Just to add another visual – think obese, black socks with sandals and nibbling on giant turkey legs…) It was right then and there that I made peace with the fact that yes, I am an elitist. And I am ok with that.
    Oh – and I won’t be back to Disney World until they institute my idea of “zip code day” and we only get to share the park with like minded areas. Say 06830 and 06831, Riverside and OG with Beverly Hills or something. Darien, Palo Alto, Santa Barabara, maybe….Evanston Ill.? Ok, Cos Cob, you guys can come,too.