Regifting: God gave man Peter Brant, Brant gives us “Santa with Butt Plug”

Up yous, Greenwich!

Here's to you, Greenwich!

Master of the Universe and convicted felon Peter Brant, who exchanged a fifteen year sentence on insider trading for an eight month one by ratting out R. Foster Winans, the WSJ reporter Brant paid to plant stories in “Heard on the Street”, [update – different Peter Brant – see post above – “felon” still applies, as does “ex-convict”] has erected a huge ( 6 meters – doesn’t that violate the town’s height restrictions?) statue of Santa Claus holding a butt plug on the polo field at Conyers Farm, the better to greet Conyers Farm residents, children watching polo and passers-by on North Street. What an odd, pathetic little man this Brant is! Unable to hold on to his trophy wife, Stefanie Seymour, he made a trophy of her nude bust (and wasn’t that an ill-advised modeling moment, Stef?) and has mounted it in his home to torment their children. Now he’s spent a million bucks or more to publicy exhibit his taste for anal-play. Was this a pleasure he discovered in prison or earlier, at prep school? It doesn’t matter, but I’m astonished anyone, even a crooked midget, would so willingly display an inability to spend money wisely, a complete lack of taste and a private pecadillo more usually indulged in in private or on Provincetown beaches. Has this guy always been insane or is he sinking into early-Alzheimer’s? And here’s a question: will he light this up come Christmas to compete with John Paul Tudor Jone’s Belle Haven display?

Santa in Rotterdam

Santa in Rotterdam

(Ex) Trophy Wife

(Ex) Trophy Wife

peter Brant in elevator shoes and happier times

Peter Brant in elevator shoes and happier times

UPDATE: Hmmm – things are getting nasty up there at the North Pole. In recent court filings, Peter complains that his vycodan-fueled wife has been smashing some of his artwork and sneaking other pieces out a hole she cut through the fencing on North Street. I’ll bhet Santa and his toy are safe, but if Steph’s taken a hammer to her bust, good for her. Hubby also complains that the bitch is spending something like $225,000 a month on clothes and accessories which, I’m sorry to admit, sounds unreasonable, even for this lady.


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11 responses to “Regifting: God gave man Peter Brant, Brant gives us “Santa with Butt Plug”

  1. Walt

    Dude –
    I totally agree with you. But how did he land Stephanie? The runt is doing something right. I would decorate my lawn with hundreds of butt plugging Santa’s to spend a night with her. Maybe I will start with Dildo elve’s? What do you think? Or reindeer love beads?
    Your Pal,

    • christopherfountain

      You should know, Walt – he had money! Don’t you wonder why Monica’s not home evenings these days, or haven’t you noticed?

  2. Chimney

    You have the wrong Peter Brant- believe it or not, the other crook, Peter Brant, was a hot-shot broker at Kidder Peabody. He was the one who was playing tip-off games with Foster Winans at the WSJ. Please, try to keep your Peter Brant crooks straight!

    • christopherfountain

      Really? I have to check this out. Our Peter definetly spent time in prison and is a polo fan – is it really possible there are two Peter Brants, both polo types, both crooks? Well sure, of course it is, but how odd.

  3. KC

    I’ve been trying to make this as clear as I can: you don’t mess with Santa unless you are ready for the consequences. You may not remember the song but he does know stuff.

  4. Backcountry

    Yes, Brant is a fool and a pervert, and it is an outrage that he has displayed that thing so publicly. However, he probably will be happy to know he has offended people – I hear he gets off on that type of thing.

    That said, it is just amazing the number of people like Brant we have here in Greenwich to keep things interesting. I can’t help but think as I look at your astonishing post that in most towns in America people would say you couldn’t make up this stuff.

  5. Anon

    That thing is so over-the-top outrageous, anyone want to take bets on how long it takes the New York Times to pick up on CF’s story, so that they can paint Greenwich folk as a bunch of degenerates?

  6. Vineyard Vines

    stephanie spends a lot of money on clothes. No fucking way ?!?!

  7. pulled up in OG

    Sam Romeo declares Conyers Farm a Child Safety Exclusionary Zone for latest revision to town ordinance. “Gonna call it Up No Child’s Behind” says Sam. “This one will fly through the RTM.”

  8. Accolay

    He has that hottie for a wife and he needs a Santa with a butt plug statue to get off? Some people I’ll never understand.

  9. Jessica Jones

    Hey Walt, if you have enough money, she c0uld probably be coerced to sleep with you too. Greenwich is no different than any other town that happens to be filled with moderately wealthy old men and gold digging pretty girls. They both got what they deserve–had he been poor she never would have looked at him twice and if she had been ugly? Ditto. Its a sad commentary on what men and women really want. Love is irrelevant.