Did you hear the one about the nonogenarian who wanted to get it on with the cute 85-year-old widower??

Well I have, but this being a family-sort-of-blog, I can’t recount it here. The punch line is, “Parkinson’s Disease”. Great joke, but if you want it in full, you’ll have to call on Jeremy Kaye. You could also retain him to buy or sell your house, while you’re at it. (Or you could design him a proper website, instead of the crappy one he and Jevora must have found in a dumpster on Greenwich Avenue, Good Lord, my friend!)

But there was no such delicacy exhibited today at the Greenwich Senior Center in a presentation entitle “Love Among the Ruins” and given by Greenwich Health Department’s Tom Mahoney.

Now it’s been said that, as a sex expert, Tom is a hellofa soccer referee,  but apparently he had the old dears jiggling in their wheelchairs looking just like the Jello being served them for lunch. He told jokes, he made funny balloon puppets from condoms and served a naughty cake for dessert.

The seniors  loved it but of course, it will all have been forgotten by tomorrow.

I’d still prefer to see him hanged, but at least he saved us a couple of $ million in trial costs

Times Square bomber pleads guilty to all charges, will probably get life in prison.

I’m back

And thank you all for your kind expressions of concern. Turns out the flu I contracted dehydrated me, a lot, so they pumped me up with a couple of liters of saline solution, “reduced” my dislocated (not broken) finger, debraded the cut on my forehead and patched it up and, over objection and against their advice, let me go home just now.

Ill have some comments on the state of healthcare in Greenwich tomorrow but I will say the entire emergency room complex was spotless and staffed by caring, highly competent people.

New York State is bankrupt, so let’s add $18 million for Orthodox Jews to study the Talmud

That would be up to $15,000 each for 3,600 students. Hmm. Understand that these students don’t study anything other than the Talmud – no math, for instance – and are thus incapable of working for a living. If their community wants to support them for the rest of their lives, it’s none of my business, but if secular taxpayers are compelled to contribute, that sucks.

ALBANY — What chutzpah!

An $18 million tuition subsidy devised by Gov. Paterson as a political gift to the city’s Orthodox Jewish community has emerged as an 11th-hour sticking point in budget talks, The Post has learned.

The unprecedented expansion of the state’s Tuition Assistance Program – derisively dubbed “Rabbi TAP” by frustrated budget negotiators — guarantees grants of up to $5,000 a year to at least 3,660 students at a few dozen rabbinical schools in the city and suburbs.

Paterson slipped the program into his 2010-11 spending plan while he was planning to run for election and desperately courting political support from the Orthodox. The controversy comes at a time when he’s demanding massive cuts to public colleges and universities.

In Israel, non-ultra-orthodox Jews are fed up with supporting 10% of the adult male population, but not Governor Patterson – it’s not his money.

Has Bernie Madoff really stashed away $9 billion?

So says a fellow inmate, and if you can’t trust a con then who can you believe? Supposedly, friends are hiding it for him and if so, I might want to make a late night visit to the Noel household on Round Hill Road and do some digging in the flower garden. But I wonder how much good even $9 billion will do a person after 150 years.

And I will never understand foreign currency

Which I’m ashamed of, because my father was an expert on the subject. He’s gone now, so I have to turn to readers for help. I understand, I think, how China can peg the value of the yuan the dollar and thus fix its rate of exchange, but what does it do to make the rate flexible? How does that work?

If anyone wants to write a foreign currency guide for dummies I’d sure appreciate it, and I’ll bet I have other readers as clueless as I am.

Okay, I still don’t understand soccer

How can a tie game be considered a miracle for one of the teams? New Zealand made one lucky goal seven minutes into the game, and then held on, never making another shot again! Result, New Zealand 1, Italy 1, and New Zealand is delirious with joy. Whatever. I very much enjoyed playing the game when I was in junior high school, but I played mostly pick-up games, and played until dark on St. Paul Riverside’s field. I’ve yet to enjoy watching soccer on television, but I suppose I’ll try it again. Seven billion people can’t all be wrong.

News you can use

State Department: avoid travel to southern Israel, Gaza.

Police brutality is not limited to Greenwich

Tennessee: Fat serial rapist complains cops put him on a lettuce diet until he confessed.

Bruce Tuck, the confessed serial rapist identifiable by his oversized waistline, now says he was coerced into confessing by Weakley County authorities who had him on a lettuce-only diet while in jail last year.

The 275-pound Tuck, who still faces charges in Shelby County, said in a petition challenging his guilty pleas and 60-year sentence that detectives in Martin, Tenn., then made him an offer he could not refuse.

“Detective Marty Plunk offered the defendant a bag of chips and a cold drink in exchange for talking to him about the cases,” Tuck, a former Memphian, wrote in his recently filed petition.

Oh, the humanity! I wonder if they do this in Gitmo?

How not to advance your career

Do these handcuffs make me look fat?

New Haven traffic reporter and “personality” arrested for shoplifting at local Sears store.

MILFORD — WTNH-News Channel 8 television personality Desiree Fontaine, who brings viewers morning traffic reports and hosts CT Style, has been charged by police with shoplifting at Sears, police and other sources confirmed Sunday.

Fontaine, 33, was charged Saturday with sixth-degree larceny, meaning an item worth $500 or less was stolen. Police said Fontaine allegedly tried to take $104.98 worth of merchandise, but they would not release details.

Some Realtors’ careers have seemed to survive such embarrassment, but things could get difficult for this woman.

Light posting today.

I was ill over the weekend, culminating with my passing out, falling down a few stairs and splitting my forehead. I got up, assured my mother, who had rushed from her office when she heard the crash, that I was okay, then collapsed on her, knocking her down and bruising her ribs.  A few minutes later I tried walking and fell down again, this time breaking my finger. Etc., etc, twice more.

The fainting seems to have passed and Ma seems sore, but alright, but I have to address the finger break, which hurts like hell and is looking pretty ugly today. So it’s off to the doctor, or worse, if he doesn’t have X-ray equipment (do GPs still have x-ray equipment?) the Greenwich Hospital, which will doubtless consume most of the morning. Typing is definitely slowed down with this finger too, damn it.