Just so long as we have our priorities straight

Homeland Security cancels the Mexican border fence,  but balances that by barring a nine-year-old from visiting Disney World because he’s a security threat. I feel safer already.

Senior citizen at work

Eighty-year-old international jewel thief Doris Payne caught casing jewelry store while out on bond. She’s had a long career and once she’s out again, she’ll no doubt continue. Query: does one collect Social Security while incarcerated, or is this proud woman just determined to save taxpayers money?

Movie of her career, stealing from high-end jewelry stores in New York, Paris, Tokyo, is apparently underway. Halle Berry (left, obviously) plays Doris. Should be fun.

Does this make any sense?

Stamford’s new mayor names bar tender and former Mets coach Bobby Valentine as head of security for the city. I have nothing against Mr. Valentine, but what, exactly, are his qualifications for this job? Bring back Dan Malloy.