That suppressed homosexual Chris, “I feel a tingle down my leg” Matthews says he’s an expert on race relations because “I go back to living in D.C. all these years. I’ve lived there 40 years, a black-majority city, and anybody who wants to get up early in Washington and drive down North Capitol and drive past Florida Ave., sees nothing but young, but black people up at 6:30 in the morning going to work.”
In fact, Mr. Matthews lives in Chevy Chase, Maryland, with a resident population of ten blacks. Confronted, Matthews expressed surprise: “You mean those maids and domestics going to work don’t live here? Well then, how about my garbage man, did you count him? He’s definitely a real kneegrow. I’m pretty sure he has a garage apartment somewhere around here and he’s my bro – I speak rap with him and everything, twice a week on pick-up days. So I know these folks”, he insisted, “they’re my peeps”.
If Matthews wants to expand his consciousness while still remaining safe and living in a nice, safe neighborhood, he really should come on up here – I’ll sell him a house next to Wilbur Peck.
UPDATE: Inagua points out that, when he’s not getting down with his black brothers, Matthews spends time with “the people” at that bastion of the underprivileged, Nantucket. Notice that he’s got the right wife for that too: just as the Golden Retriever is the official dog of Nantucket, so too is its human equivalent: blonde, spoiled and vacuous.