This way no one will ever know

Lance Armstrong will confess to Oprah that he’s a lying, cheating, drug addled snake.  Since no one even knows where to find Oprah these days, his secret will be safe with her.


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23 responses to “This way no one will ever know

  1. Anonymous

    who cares

  2. Les-B-Friends

    Just like Oprah will never admit that Gayle is her lesbian lover. Look at White House dinners, Oprah only brings Gayle. Gay-le, how obvious, Gay is in her name.

  3. The Duke of Deception

    The Duke is shocked by how many defend this self-absorbed, douchebag cheater. Livestrong makes him puke. “Everybody else was cheating too.”

  4. Libertarian Advocate

    For all his human faults, the guy still won 7 Tours de France. My bet is the whining weenies who brought him down wouldn’t have had a prayer of winning even one race, never mind SEVEN, doped to the hilt.

    I know those Pyrenees mountain roads and they are a BITCH.

  5. just_looking

    i believe that other racers were doped, and still lost. No one cares that they were doped because they didnt win.

  6. Daniel

    And why limit what can be done in NASCAR?

  7. Anonymous

    Who cares what he’s on, as long as he keeps the juice running at ESPN?

  8. The Duke of Deception

    Libertarian Advocate — thanks for making the Duke’s case, Dumbass.

    • Libertarian Advocate

      I note the unique irony of a guy who calls himself The Duke of Deception whining about another’s deceptions. As it happens, I commented before your comment registered. Had I seen it, I may have fleshed out my thoughts on it a bit more. Now I’m on an iPad, so I won’t bother.

      So, exactly how did you know Rod Klotz?

  9. Peg

    My long time buddy and perhaps the greatest bridge player ever, Bob Hamman, cares.

  10. AJ

    Sports are not sacred: at best they are a pleasant distraction or a good way to work on goal setting at an amateur level, at worst a government tool of mass distraction. Remember the steroid use / baseball hearings — what a show. Such concern for putting the integrity of sports on a pedestal while they kill hunderds of thousands in illegal, undeclared wars and torture as a matter of routine practice of interrogation — if you watch old videos of W, he almost gets sexually excited everytime he talked about it — and throw the fourth and fifth amendment out the window.

    We act as if sports were something handed down to us by the Gods of Olympus while in fact it is just another lucrative business. And nobody cheats at business, or government for that matter? Of course they don’t. If you want to talk about a level playing field, lets talk about Martha Stewart vs. John Corzine.

    And who dishes out this puerile, smarmy hogwash? Who are these high priests who tell us what is sportsman like conduct; who would tell us what is moral, what is pure and what is not pure, what must be held up and worshipped, and how to live — as their slaves of course.They are same people who would get down on one knee, two if they had to, and kiss the Devil’s ring. They are the same people who can dish it out but can’t take; they are the same people who like to see you dead for besting them or even disagreeing with them as we from this group of Robert Filmer’s Patriarcha loving effete. Observe them well, these who would call themselves humanists, but have not the least bit of humanity. This is the face of the enemy; they want to destroy your Bill of Rights:

    As for Lance Armstrong, you’d be hard pressed to find anybody in the top one-hundred riders who were not doping — it’s called a level playing field. There is no drug known to man that would enable you to complete, let alone win, even one leg of the Tour de France, although I believe it was blood doping everyone was doing at the time, which is not a drug. If the title for the Tour should be handed down to the next competitor who can be guaranteed to have run the race clean, then give it to the guy who finished dead last, and even that would be in doubt.

    • Libertarian Advocate

      Yes, televised professional sports are indeed the new corporate statists’ “opiate of the masses” and they make a shit load more bucks for those pushers than religion ever did. Anyone remember the movie “Rollerball?”

      I remember thinking this when I was about sixteen y/o which is a long time ago. The only time I ever heard it expressed again before you brought it up here AJ, was when I heard Ron Kuby say it on WABC when he had a morning show with Curtis Sliwa. Scary to think like Ron Kuby.

      • AJ

        Had to look Kuby up, then I remembered. Back in the days of Hubert Humphry (last of the old style orators), William Kunstler was one of my heroes. Thanks.

  11. AJ

    O Sport, pleasure of the Gods,
    essence of life, you appeared suddenly
    in the midst of the grey clearing
    which writhes with the drudgery of
    modern existence, like the radiant
    messenger of a past age, when
    mankind still smiled. And the glimmer
    of dawn lit up the mountain tops and
    flecks of light dotted the ground in the
    gloomy forests.
    O Sport, you are Beauty! You are the
    architect of that edifice which is the
    human body and which can become
    abject or sublime according to whether
    it is defiled by vile passions or improved
    through healthy exertion. There can be
    no beauty without balance and proportion,
    and you are the peerless master
    of both, for you create harmony, you
    give movements rhythm, you make
    strength graceful and you endow suppleness
    with power…

    “An Ode to Sport” (must be one Mitt’s friends) from:

  12. Anonymous

    Lets face it he is not confessing because he has any remorse. If he had come clean 2 years ago he would have been forgiven as the whole sport was corrupt. Today he is only doing it because he no longer enter any sanctioned sports events like the New York
    Marathon, and more importantly he is being sued by his sponsors for return of millions of endorsements, so he has to try to redeem his image. Despite everything his cancer work is worth something.

  13. anonymous

    Rod Klotz?

    • As a racer’s mom and someone who used to go to Cecil County Dragway in the 1960s to watch the funny cars, Rod Klotz is synonymous with nitropropane and has a line of lubricants….for cars and motorcycles that is!

    • Libertarian Advocate

      Well, that’s not the Rod Klotz I meant. If I’m right, it was a guy The DUKE attended boarding school with back in the early 1970’s. Alas, the Rod I note died young in a car crash (if memory serves).

  14. Moral of the story…don’t make these athletes your role models. Oh BTW, Oprah has her OWN channel, no pun intended. If you can’t find it, read about it on the internet.

  15. Central Gwich

    My take: we should take it easy on the old boy. No one cared about cycling before Lance, and since he’s gone, I couldn’t even tell you what channel cycling is on. Lance overcame a huge obstacle in his life and still has the scars and his wins gave hope to many people struggling with some awful diseases. Sure, Lance was doped up when he won all those titles, but since every other cyclist of note has also tested positive for PED’s, the moral outrage is lost. He won a bike race full by cheating in a field full of cheaters, in my book no harm, no foul.

  16. Greenwich Gal

    Frankly. I could give a rat’s ass about Lance and his boring sport. BUT – just because the whole of racing is corrupt and tainted does not make it acceptable in any way. Also – the only reason he is “coming clean” is because he has a worthless future – his future earnings potential is nil – unless he changes his public perception right now – can’t get much worse. So, he is only trying to perform a salvage operation.
    The guy is a supreme douchebag.

  17. Libertarian Advocate

    Question for the Duke: So we have Lance Armstrong who cheated in 7 Tours De France by doping and Dick Blumenthal who cheated claiming entirely fictitious Viet Nam combat service when he was really in D.C. running Toys for Tots?

    Which, in your opinion, is the more scurrilous creep of the two and why?