From 30,000 feet up in a Gulfstream you miss the small details

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Getting to know you …

Al Gore says the polar bears are being extincted by global warming. Those on the ground say it ain’t so. Who you going to believe, Al or your own lying eyes?

I knew I was in trouble when the biologist from the Manitoba Conservation Department sat down next to me. “The bears look good,” he said. “I haven’t seen them this fat in years.” We’d both been hanging around the tiny town of Churchill, Manitoba, ground zero for everything having to do with polar bears. Every fall the town is overrun with bears waiting for Hudson Bay to freeze. The bears, in turn, are trailed by herds of tourists, tour guides, scientists, green-leaning types and B-list celebrities—all looking for communion with The Most Important Animal of Our Time.

What worried me wasn’t what the biologist had to say, but what the woman who had occupied that same seat three minutes earlier had said about the very same bears. A publicist for an environmental advocacy group, she shook her head ruefully. “It’s just so sad,” she exhaled. “They all look so skinny that it’s hard to look at them.”


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4 responses to “From 30,000 feet up in a Gulfstream you miss the small details

  1. Walt

    Dude –
    This is totally off topic, but I am killing time waiting for the pizza. You load.

    Zsa Zsa Gabor’s 96th birthday is coming up, and her husband is proud of it:

    I thought she was dead already. They have been lopping body parts off of her for what seems like forever. What is left? A head in a bed?

    Wasn’t she selling her Hollywood Mansion a few years ago, for like a gazillion dollars? Because the house was too big for her when her shoe collection got cut in half? SORRY DUDE!! I didn’t mean to mention shoes. I know that freaks you out, but it’s relevant to the story. I doubt she wears FMP’s at her age, so just relax. Slowly I turn, STEP BY STEP!!

    Anyhows, she is now as wobbly as all of her marriages.

    What was she famous for? Was she the Paris Hilton of her day? I think she may be related to Paris, because Zsa Zsa married a Hilton. Would you pop Paris? The girl, not the city. I would. Her lazy eye doesn’t bother me.

    Maybe she can make a comeback. Zsa Zsa, not Paris. Dancing With The Stars is probably a stretch, but maybe Survivor? If she is down to just her noggin, maybe they can use her as the immunity Idol?

    You agree?
    Your Pal,

  2. Al Dente

    I haven’t seen one here in Boca Raton for quite some time. I’m thinking maybe I should panic.

  3. Peg

    OK; back to Al.

    If you always bet that reality is the opposite of what he says, you won’t go right all the time. Still – good enough that you’ll be way ahead of the game betting on Al’s words being lies.

    As for Zsa Zsa; let’s hear it for cougars – even the almost extinct ones!

  4. Fred2

    Jeez all of southern Hudson’s bay coast is crawling with those big white rats until things freeze over. They are a menace. People phone their neighbors to warm them “there’s a bear on your roof” because other wise as you pop out the front door, you look like a seal coming out for air and get gaffed by boo-boo on the roof. Nevermind the bears coming in through the doors, windows at all hours, sleeping in your car after having pried out the windows looking for some lunch.

    Oh, and pity the poor garbage men as they back into the local dump to find 2 dozen of the filthy things sitting around waiting for nice warm garbage to arrive.

    You think deer in Greenwich are menace…