FWIW’s own, beloved Walt, who’s paid so handsomely to keep an eye on such things, sends along this article about home builders eliminating the term “master bedroom” from listings in order not to offend women and people of color. So far as I know my own association has shamefully refused to go along with this concession to modern feelings and not only still uses the term but insist that even the most sensitive among us list the location and number of “master bedrooms” on each floor. Oh, the horror!
“While it is certainly true that “owner’s suite” is more appropriate,” Christopher Fountain, chief executive and sole member of Simon Legree Woman Haters and Gun Owners Club in Greenwich, told FWIW, “we have a ton of forms already printed up and we’re loath to just toss ’em out. Call us niggardly, call us Scots, but don’t let the little woman call us late to dinner.”
Fountain’s and the Greenwich Association of Realtors’ intransigence notwithstanding, change is clearly underway in the building industry’s new world order. “Book shelves” are out, Fountain observes, “lest illiterates feel uncomfortable. And we like ‘Owner’s Suite’ because it conveys an air of elegance, of having arrived, of finally being someone, unlike your friggin’ bogtrotter cousin Seamus in the Bronx who your mother always liked best. Your house has an owner’s suite, the world’s your oyster, I don’t care if you’re an Abe, a curry-muncher, camel jockey, chink, dago or hell, even a cheese-eating surrender monkey: next stop, Round Hill Club.
“We restored ‘powder room’ to the lexicon when we discovered so much of our alligator-bait clientele liked doing coke in a clearly-labelled recreation room but otherwise, we’re doing our best to obfuscate and embellish. You know those windowless little cubicles in the basement we all cram our Filipinos in?” he chuckled, “we call them ‘nanny quarters’ , or even ‘guest rooms’ — doesn’t make the little tailless monkeys any happier, but it pleases their owners, and that’s the point.
“I could go on, but you get it: change is on the way, and change for the better, if you’re a product of our new, sensitive education system. Now excuse me, I gotta go find a loo, or a water closet or lavatory, little boys room, potty, restroom, comfort station, the facilities – you get it; someplace with a nappy-changing table – oops! Can’t use ‘nappy anymore, can we? – for fathers who take their co-parenting responsibilities seriously.”