Geeze, don’t mess with Timmy, “Elba”* Armstrong

The whippings will continue until morale is restored

The whippings will continue until morale is restored

Riverside resident Tim Armstrong, by all accounts a really nice guy, doesn’t enjoy presiding over the Titanic, apparently, and the experience has sapped his sense of humor. Yesterday, the former Google exec, now AOL chief and, sadly for him, responsible for keeping AOL Patch alive, fired his creative director on the spot.

Earlier today, AOL CEO Tim Armstrong fired Abel Lenz, Creative Director at AOL, in front of 1,000 coworkers.

AOL is reducing the number of sites in its local news network, Patch, from 900 to 600.

Today, Armstrong hosted a conference call with Patch employees to explain the news.

During the call, according to a source, Armstrong told Lenz to “stop taking pictures.” Then Armstrong said “You’re fired.”

Then there were a few seconds of silence. Then Armstrong resumed speaking.

A few minutes later, Armstrong complained about leaks to the media. He said the leaks were making Patch seem like “loser-ville” in the press.

He said, “That’s why Abel was fired.”

“We can’t have people that are in the locker room giving the game plan away.”

I’ve always wanted to try that to see whether it helped discipline around here but I don’t have employees or even a dog to kick around and, at least so far, I’m not into self-flagellation. Walt will probably let me know what I’m missing.

* That’s for palindrome and history fans who know their Napoleon: “Able was I ere I saw Elba”.

Palindromes, by the way, date back to the beginning of man: “Madam, I’m Adam”.


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12 responses to “Geeze, don’t mess with Timmy, “Elba”* Armstrong

  1. Go Tim!

    I’ve always liked Tim, and this makes me like him even MORE. I can’t imagine how annoying that guy must’ve been – snapping pictures while the boss tries to run a 1000 person conference call with bad news.

  2. anon

    I’m sad to hear this news. The Patch platform is a good idea, lends another voice to towns like Greenwich where the newspaper has only one opinion.

  3. Robert Lou Gay

    I know one! When I’m constipated I yell at myself POOP BOB POOP

    • housecat

      Just because they let you out of the facility for the weekend, it doesn’t mean you stop taking your meds.

  4. observer

    Go Team: You really ought to know a schmuck when you see one. There are lots of other ways a CEO can take out his own personal failures.

  5. Walt

    Dude –
    DO NOT get into self-flagellation. On that you are not wrong. You loser. Look how long it took you to overcome your addiction to masturbation and self-prostrate tickling. You did overcome those, right?

    Anyhows, there are many women out there who love dressing up as a leather clad vixen, with black FMP’s, who will be happy to show you what a bad boy you have been. Erotica really is more fun when you try it with a hottie from the opposite sex. Try it, and report back. But trust me, I am right on this.

    Go to They do housecalls. Tell them Francis sent you.

    Your Pal,

    PS – You have to bring your own baby sucker

  6. Mickster

    At work Tim(my) is obviously an asshole. Who the fuck does that on a conference call to 1000 employees? On the other hand, Abel Lenz, who pulled out a camera to take pictures (Abel Lenz – taking pics?) of the layoff announcement is a moron and deserves a bollicking.
    Patch in Greenwich is a joke – I got 2 “Breaking News” emails yesterday – one about a downed wire on Taconic and another that was blank.

    • I believe Patch is sort of a “do it yourself” news publication, so sending a blank email makes sense: make up your own stories. It’s certainly worked well for me here at FWIW!

      • Mickster

        You got that right!!

        • anon

          I say give Patch credit for trying. Greenwich Time is more of a do it yourself newspaper than any I know. It’s not only biased, but often dead wrong. Talk about making up stories.

          The Patch towns I read have young editors, a couple editors are moms who might be looking for outside income. So they have a few glitches. The alternative is relying on the GT for All The News That’s Unfit to Print.

    • AJ

      Well, now that Mr. Lenz is gone things ought to start improving really soon. 1000 employees? I guess he’s got the next scapegoat already picked out. Anybody but himself.

  7. Looks like Noel Clan Made Out Well

    Give up 80 mill and sells a FL home for 6 mill. Not bad. Looks like the Noel clan holds about 100 mill collectively that can never really be traced.