From the island nation of seafarers, this:

 

Homeward Bound

Homeward Bound

Captain Calamity arrested after crashing his sailboat for tenth time (in one month).

 

The arrest, mind you, was for failure to appear in court on an unrelated matter – it’s not only not illegal in Britain to be stupid, it’s the prime qualification for high political office. That’s one tradition we should have jettisoned after our own revolution, alas.

An incompetent sailor dubbed Captain Calamity has been arrested by police after coastguards were called to rescue him at sea for the 10th time in a month.

A concerned member of the public had called emergency services after seeing Tim Freeman, 24, standing in the surf at Studland, Dorset, struggling to control his 24ft yacht with a rope.

By the time help arrived Mr Freeman had left the area, but he was found soon afterwards and taken into custody in connection with allegedly failing to attend court over an assault charge.

Residents living along the south coast hope his detention will bring some respite to coastguard and lifeboat crews after Mr Freeman’s calamitous solo voyages ended in him being rescued nine times at a cost of more than £20,000.

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