A party missed

A friend asked who got the poisoned canapé intended for me – I don’t know, but check today’s police blotter.
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January 20, 2014 · 6:06 am

21 responses to “A party missed

  1. anon

    The invitation folds look like it was wrapped around a rock. Was it delivered through your window?

  2. Riverside Dog Walker


    Police were too busy writing jaywalking tickets and roughing up the elderly. Have to occupy themselves somehow if they can’t do stop and frisk.

  3. Anonymous

    what a classy invite…not!

  4. Anonymous

    an ‘evening of enchantment’…really? wow what a shame you missed it

  5. N.A. Freedman

    So sorry you missed it. 😉

  6. Anon

    Maybe that publicist she employes, the socialite Turkish carpet heir Couri “Couristan” Hay, ain’t so dumb. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. You missed your shot at and evening of “old world elegance,” per the not so old worldly elegant mimeographed broadsheet invite.

    • Even Crane’s = Crane’s! – has suggestions that might benefit the newly arrived:

      As with the clothes you wear, the stationery you use makes a statement. When you create and assemble your “stationery wardrobe,” keep in mind the impression you hope to make. Your stationery should reflect both your personality and the type of correspondence you’re sending.

  7. wait, wait! weren’t those plastered on all the windshields at the Port Chester Home Depot?

  8. Libertarian Advocate

    I’m betting it was an invitation to a S.O.P…..

  9. Anonymous745671123

    Must have been a small shindig. Anyone who is anyone was in DC shaking booty with some other Michelle.

    BTW, how old is MMH?

  10. Walt

    Dude –
    I can’t believe we didn’t go to this. It was our opportunity to become Socialites!! Debutants!! The Belles of the BALL!! Philanthropists, even!! A coming out party!! That’s not a gay thing, is it Dude? NTTAWWT.

    Anyhows, we could have hob knobbed with Michelle Michelle and little Cornhole, and BURST OUT onto the New York High Society social scene. All dressed up in our ascots and spats. What is a spat Dude?

    Eating horse de vours. Those square little tuna fish sandwiches. Don’t you just love those? But why do they make them midget sized? I never understood that. I spend half the night chasing the hottie serving them. And I bet she even had a six foot wedge. You loser.

    We could have been palling out with Warhol, and Capote. Maybe even Jackie O. BUT YOU RUINED IT. You antisocial little troll.

    Want to grab some lunch? A gentleman’s lunch at Beamers? Watch some nude ballet?
    Your Pal,

    • LMNOP

      I need some etiquette advice Walt. I just left Target where the cashier helping me was black. Should I have wished her a Happy Martin Luther King Day? Or would that be considered racist?

      • Walt

        It is totally appropriate etiquette to wish our black brothers and sisters a Happy Martin Luther King day. It’s just a nice thing to do. In fact, it would be rude not to.

        You can even tell them a joke, because everyone likes a good laugh. Right? We all have the ability to make fun of ourselves, don’t we?
        Anyhows, try this one: What is the most confusing day in Harlem? Father’s Day!! Or – Why did Jesse Jackson lose the black vote? Because he promised to create jobs for them!!

        The problem with our Imperial President is any criticism of him is deemed racist, and that just isn’t true. Are there people who are against him because he is HALF black? Sure. But I think the vast majority of those who don’t like him is because he is a narcissistic, incompetent, unqualified commie moron. Race has nothing to do with it.

        A Muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender says hello Mr. President.
        Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack? He thought Barry sounded too American.

        Now will these jokes offend some? Sure, those with no sense of humor, and an unrealistic sense of self importance and self righteousness. THOSE PEOPLE SICKEN ME!! If we can make jokes about dead babies, everything is fair game. As it should be. The alternative is dangerous.

        Did someone say dead baby?

        Why did the dead baby cross the road?
        It was chained to the bumper.

  11. Anonymous

    was there a door fee?

  12. Anonymous

    all proceeds go to therapy sessions for their kids, who must suffer the delusions of their parents.

  13. sound beacher

    Which room do you think she rented, was it a dance party like the other MIchelle’s. Jay Z and Beyonce’ were @ the DC party, maybe another celeb NYC couple like Donald & Melania attended?

  14. Yos

    Hey, M-MH isn’t getting rich pocket-diving for your wallet, Chris. That sort of covetous evil is the realm of Dullard & Co. (Yes, evil. I mean that literally.)

    More, she’s entitled to spend her money and time in any silly way she pleases. That’s the point of it, yes? I kinda like the idea that SOMEONE out there is enjoying her life. More power to ‘er.