Billions of people do (do), but so far, the greens haven’t forced us to do do too

Flushed with success - Mikala Earley and her idiot boyfriend celebrate saving $90 a year on TP

Flushed with success – Mikala Earley and her idiot boyfriend celebrate saving $90 a year on TP

Can one live without toilet paper? Green people are doing so, all to save the planet. If they follow their typical behavior, they’ll soon turn their attention to the rest of us.

These women say living without toilet paper has not only saved money, but it is also environmentally friendlier, since the production of toilet paper involves the destruction of thousands of trees.

What’s more, the chlorine dioxide used to bleach the paper, which can be considered an environmental hazard, then gets into the sewage system and can apparently pollute the water.

‘It is definitely possible,’ insists Mikala, who says she and her husband stopped using toilet paper about a year ago. ‘It is almost seen as a necessity [and] it doesn’t have to be, and it’s been a lot of fun to learn how to do it this way.’
Instead of paper, they used flannel cloths which they kept in a box by the toilet, and would put in the washing machine every two to three days, which meant they ‘didn’t notice any smell at all’.

When they’re out of the house, however, things can get tricky. ‘It’s kind of hard to take it with you or it’s all dirty and it’s in the washing machine,’ she says.


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18 responses to “Billions of people do (do), but so far, the greens haven’t forced us to do do too

  1. Anonymous


  2. Al Dente

    Time to start stockpiling the TP, put it in the warehouse with the light bulbs. Next up, probably meat.

  3. AJ

    Why bother with an ass wipe rag when you can just drag you butt on the rug?

  4. Anonymous

    Heck, if they were really green they wouldn’t bother with the toilet.

    There are green whackos in the world but this group tops the chart. Can you imagine shaking hands with them? Ewwwww.

  5. AJ

    Sorry, I was just kidding with that dragging your butt on the rug thing. But seriously, if you’re on a mission for Gaia and you want to save the life of a tree, try this mitt and a bucket from Base Things with squiggly, little micro squid fingers for getting into all those hard to reach nooks and crannies. New from Base things, and very base indeed.

    • Anon

      I was biting into my English Muffin at the exact moment I read your comment about nooks and crannies. Suffice it to say, I put down the muffin. Please don’t ruin my oatmeal with any further wiping analogies! šŸ™‚

  6. LMNOP

    Let’s ask her is she uses Tampax or Kotex? Does either use Kleenex? Or paper towels? Or napkins? Or wear clothes made of cotton?

  7. If they keep the stat down to maintain that healthy shivering,they can probably keep the box in the house for almost a week before the stench becomes nauseous in the kitchen.

  8. with this stuff, IT never even happened:

  9. It (and they) just gets weirder and weirder!

  10. Gnawbone

    Somewhere among my souvenirs is a piece of toilet paper from Russia. I kept it to show my children the 1/2″ long splinters. They could have used some chlorine dioxide; the stuff was brown and it hadn’t even been used yet…I think.

    • There was a great article I read last year written by an Englishwoman who grew up wit radical Marxist parents. When she was a young teen, she travelled to Russia with her parents to stay with their friends and, while enjoying a picnic, observed several ladies retrieving a roll of toilet paper from one of their purses and repairing to the public lavatory. At that point, she wrote, “I realized that communism was a fraud – it couldn’t even supply toilet paper to its people.”
      Toilet paper is now rationed in socialist Venezuela – to quote everyone’s favorite commie balladeer, “when will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?”

  11. harrycan

    I think they should go the next step and get rid of indoor plumbing altogether. Why not fill their coffee pots from the garden hose so they can make those sugar-free, non-fat, vanilla soy, double shot, decaf, no foam, Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha latte’s with light whip like they get from Starbucks. Or save rainwater in one of those large Barrels and take a bath in it like at the Junction, petticoat junction. This is why we dont shake hands with the Kurd in Afghanistan, because they don’t use toilet paper either – as they still live in the Stone Age.

    • AJ

      You’re overlooking that in some states it is illegal to store rain water in barrels and you can be arrested for stealing water from the aquifer (on its way to the aquifer) by collecting rain water that falls on the roof of your home or your own land.

  12. Dog has plugged anal glands.That is one reason they scoot.