News you can use, investment banker division

Not so perky at 5:00 AM

Not so perky at the de rigueur pre-dawn pajama bust

Don’t be an F. Perkins “Perk” Hixon. Evercore banker going down for the hard count for trading on his own deals, the dummy. What are they teaching at business schools these days?

[To] be fair, Hixon doesn’t seem to have gotten the money: All the trades were in the accounts of his father, Frank P. Hixon Sr., a retiree who live outside of Duluth, Georgia, or the mother of Hixon’s child, whose name is Destiny Wind Robinson, though she goes by Nicole. Perk and Destiny broke up in 2008 and she lives in Texas, though Hixon visits regularly from New York. Maybe they did the insider trading? Maybe there was no scheme — it’s not like they gave him the proceeds of their trading, did they? (Umm, a little: Per the SEC, Hixon’s father wrote him a check for $38,000 on the day his Titanium trades settled, though who knows why.) Maybe they just guessed what was going on by, like, watching his body language? “Hmm, he looks pretty cheerful, must have been record earnings,” that sort of thing?

And, if you must be like Hixon, leave out the part where you tell your employer and the F.B.I. that you don’t recognize the names of your father or the mother of your child – it hurts your credibility.

For those readers who think I only pick on Ivy League affirmative action graduates, I note this:

Mr. Hixon, 51 holds an MBA from Harvard University and a Bachelor of Arts from
the University of Virginia.

9 Comments

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9 responses to “News you can use, investment banker division

  1. Libertarian Advocate

    Imagine if DOJ were to investigate the Ivies!

    Yeah, I know, laughably naive.

  2. Chief Scrotum

    How sad for all of us, with everything that’s happened in the last five years, from AIG to TBTF banks laundering terror and narco money, that this is the best the government can do.

  3. Anonymous

    some many of these guys trafficked in this world thinking they were immune. Remember james mcdermott of KBW? not to mention the two ceo’s that followed him…they all do it …i know its cliche, but they honestly do not think the laws apply to them…cohen knew how to remove himself just enough..some of these other guys may have a problem b/c preet bharra is not satisfied…expect to hear that your neighbors are being subpoenaed

  4. Publius

    I think Harvard has addressed this issue by having B-school students sign an ethics pledge that they will not be a-holes and be honest and fair in all their business dealings….. A solution that only a bunch of clueless academics believe is the answer to the entitlement syndrome that they rabidly promote.

  5. Anonymous

    i don’t think middlebury instituted that policy

  6. Anonymous

    lets not leave out our local yale grads who have forgone insider trading for real gambling…i actually have a bit of respect for that …but when you lose the boys from queens come to riverside…club drive is it?

  7. FF

    I think Perk was trying to set up a seamless way to 1) take care of a lot of child support without coming out of pocket and 2) cut dad into a little of the big money love by showing him what a stud he could be with a little $38,000 investment. Guys like this are so out to lunch with propriety and life-sense, I would be shocked if he didn’t think how unfair it was that somebody gives a crap, and he is probably wracked with a martyrdom complex now

  8. JJM

    Rouge Hill Rd resident?