Maybe Sean Penn and Joe Kennedy can help assemble CARE packages to help out

Viva Chavez!

Viva Chavez!

Venezuela runs out of flour, cooking oil and toilet paper. NPR expresses puzzlement over why this is so: could be nefarious, scheming businessmen, could be the result of central planning and price controls, who knows? but doesn’t disturb its listeners with even an idle thought about why shortages like these occur only in centralized, socialist/ communist countries. Just bad luck, I suppose.


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23 responses to “Maybe Sean Penn and Joe Kennedy can help assemble CARE packages to help out

  1. Libertarian Advocate

    The collapse of the Bolivarian Revolution is days, perhaps mere hours, away.

  2. a roundup of half of the business owners, followed by a 10 minute military trial and execution by firing squad will shake loose the supplies that are being hoarded by the not-yet-killed half of the business owners. problem solved.

    • Libertarian Advocate

      They might get ten not very quick business owners that way, the rest will vanish like silverfish into the walls.

      • AJ

        Those things that vanish like silverfish are actually Scutigera coleoptratas, or house centipedes, and are often mistaken for silverfish. They’re very popular as pets in Japan, and are a good thing to have in you house. They eat spiders, roaches, and bed bugs, or any other kind of bugs that they can find, so they’re good to have around.

  3. Walt

    Dude –
    If they are running out of toilet paper, there is going to be a revolution.

    People won’t stand for that. What do you do if no TP is around? Wake up and take your morning dump and use newspaper to wipe your heine? Heiny? ASS!! And who even buys newspapers anymore?

    Anyhows, I am very particular about where I dump. I am a total Greenwich snob when it comes to where I park my ass to drop a turd. Sports Stadium? NEVER!! On the train? I WOULD SHIT MYSELF FIRST!! At work? Only in a real pinch. No pun intended.

    I know you can dump anywhere, like an abandoned mongrel, particularly at open houses, where you drop watermelons with a wanton abandon. A watermelon being a turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is an embarrassing incident for a normal human being, but not you. Proper etiquette demands if you feel a watermelon coming on, you create a diversion. But not you. You sit there giggling like a little school girl, happy with the mess you made, and not even having the civility to cover your splashdown with a camo cough. AM I RIGHT!!

    So this is serious. You have a nation of people walking around with skid marks? With chafed ass cheeks? It’s an unsustainable situation!!

    Your Pal,

    • I am utterly mortified at the above.
      In a knee jerk response to same, I’m on my third bottle of Chanel. Misting myself and all surroundings in wild eyed paranoia

      • Walt

        So you liked it?

        • I shall never view the world the same, again. Never.
          I remain galvanized. Horror stricken. And feel strangely sullied and unclean. I may change my name name to Aghast, in point of fact. A life altering experience that was..mere words fail me.

        • Walt

          I take that as a yes. Thank you.

        • Walt

          And it is not my best work. I can do better. Really. I have tons of dead baby jokes saved up, but the Dude Man hasn’t posted anything on point. That hack.

          Plus fart jokes, doodie jokes, Pollack jokes, which I love, and ton’s of Chink jokes. PULL MY FINGER!!

          And did someone say dead baby?

          How do you make a dead baby float?
          Take your foot off of it’s head!!

        • Ok, so now I’m considering suicide as a viable option. dead babies? Tasteless. Colossally tasteless. Just spare me the Irish jokes, k?

        • Walt

          What do you call a pretty Irish girl?

          Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? There’s one less drunk!!

          Whats the difference between a smart Irish man and a unicorn?
          Nothing, they’re both fictional characters!!

          I have more!! What next? Jews? Greeks? WASPS? We all deserve to be made fun of, and not take ourselves too seriously. Midgets maybe?

        • Oh no. I’m not that easy nor cheap. Make with the Transvestite Vegetarian Grandmother jokes. Let’s see whatcha got there.

        • Walt

          How do you spot a transvestite vegetarian grandmother at Whole Foods?
          Just walk into the store!!

        • Aw, c’mon Walt you sly ol’ fox, you struck me as a Next Level kinda guy. You can do better than that, I’m thinking. Show me whatcha got…

        • It would’ve sounded better if you had used “Trader Joe’s” or something like that..

  4. Tawm

    I’ve long since stopped listening to NPR. A better alternative is Marketplace (available by podcast from marketplace org) although even they often lapse into Government-knows-best and Business-is-the-enemy themes.

  5. ..or it could be due to the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. OR it could be some more of President Bush’s dastardly doings. Somebody! Quick! Alert the Huffington Post.
    So where is Sean Penn? Wasn’t he BFF’s with Hugo Chavez? Or could it be that Venezuela just isn’t high profile enough for the antics of a rabid liberal, butt-ugly “Progressive” like Penn?

  6. Get the real story on the local spinoff branch of National Propagandists Regurgitation network, Channel 79 Greenwich TV’s “DEMOCRACY NOW” show.

  7. You forgot diapers. They’re in short supply too. Something stinks.

    And it’s all a plot by the evil Yankees. But not the Mets.

  8. Oh my God her White House crisis……they lost their Pastry Chef !!!!!