Ending weeks of mystery, FWIW’s missing leftist troll Dollar Bill has been found, thawed and without memory, in the Norwegian capital. It is suspected he travelled there to rescue polar bears who’d been victimized by George Bush but so far, he won’t say.
A man who was discovered in a snowdrift in the Norwegian capital Oslo has emerged from a coma to reveal he speaks perfect English but has no idea who he is or where he comes from. The mystery man, who calls himself John Smith but does not know his real name, was found with a cocktail of drugs in his system and cuts on his wrist suggesting they had been strapped. He said he is not Norwegian but may be Czech as that is the language he understands best. He also understands Slovak, Polish and Russian and speaks with a heavy Russian accent.
The man was discovered by a passerby in a snowdrift in an industrial part of Oslo on December 15th. He spent three days in a coma before coming round.
Police took fingerprints and released his picture to Interpol, but so far investigations have drawn a blank.
He added: ‘At least I know I can’t be a criminal, although I almost wish I was. Then they would have found out who I was.
‘I woke up with a nurse beside me, and as I did not understand, I asked her to speak to me in English. I remembered nothing. It was so funny when she asked what my name was and then I couldn’t remember it.’
Oslo police say his case is being handled by their violence and sexual crimes branch.
A spokesman said: ‘The man did not possess any form of identification, and did not remember his name, origin, how he ended up in Norway or any other details of his life.
Probably a Russian spy, too.