Daily Archives: July 29, 2014

Thanks from John

Sarah forwards this:


My friends! Oh boy do I have some serious gratitude to express right now. You’d better sit down.

Since this ship sailed outta ol’ Shitstorm Harbor some months ago, you guys have supported me in all ways possible. Online fundraisers, benefit shows, you guys have come out in spades and I sincerely have no idea how I could possible thank you enough.

Then my sister Sarah, hellbent on world domination, started a campaign on Giveforward.com and blew the roof off, raising almost $40k in under a week. Holy shamoly, folks. What the heck am I going to do with all this loot?

Well let’s answer that question. Many of you have graciously donated way more than necessary, telling me to get to the bottom of my bucket list. And while as a registered Democrat I’m all for the wanton and gratuitous spending of other people’s money, I feel it best in this scenario to make like my father’s constituents and approach this new found wealth with conservative prudence.

I’m going to stay put and fight this. I’ve been doing a bit of jet-setting (I’m out in Portland West with my sister, by the way) but after next weekend I’ll be settling back down in Maine for a good long while. I would like to spend the winter in a house on the ocean, kicking ass, eating right and laying low. I’ve spent the past ten years living out my bucket list, so maybe this is chance to grow some roots and ground myself. We may find in time that a heavy bout with cancer was exactly what I needed.

Or it will kill me, and I will forever haunt the corridors of Facebook, remiss at failing to live my dream as a wild-haired Cadillac-driving bank robber. Life is a fickle pickle.

Portland, Oregon is super cool. Verdant jungle growth, crazy good music, and more vegan eateries you could shake a kale stalk at. And I get to spend a week with my sister! Then this Thursday I fly down to Catalina Island to drink wine mixers and cage-fight sharks. You know what I always say: life is short, punch sharks in the face.

So thank you, every one. I am really beyond grateful. At this point there is no way I could ever reciprocate what you all have done for me, unless a scenario should arise in which someone from Earth must boldly sacrifice their physical self to rid the galaxy of an alien scourge. I’m that guy. You call me when that happens. Because thank you.

I love you all. I’m glad you’re here with me.

Ps. I still feel great. No one knows why. Short hair, don’t care.


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Old Greenwich contract


5 Keofferam Rd

5 Keofferam Rd

5 Keofferam, $3.525 million, ask, 49 days on market. This is a lovely house, and I wondered aloud here several times why it wouldn’t sell back in 2012, when it started out at $3.495. It finally did sell last October, for $3 million, to folks who added on a 700′ addition that must have provided the space buyers had previously perceived as lacking, because this time, it went quickly.



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The Genius of Anglo Saxon Jurisprudence, Chapter II


If there ain't no seat, you must defeat!

If there ain’t no seat, you must defeat!

Murder conviction tossed out because defendant’s mommy couldn’t find a seat in the crowded courtroom during jury selection.

The 23-year-old Brooklyn man was tried, convicted and — after the jury found he shot a rival dead at a dice game — sent to prison for 15 years to life. But the state’s highest court overturned the guilty verdict — all because Floyd’s mother couldn’t find a seat in the courtroom during jury selection.

A juror who voted to convict Floyd was shocked to learn of the stunning reversal.

“On a technicality like there was no room in the courtroom! That’s something new for me. I don’t think that’s right,” said the woman, who didn’t want her name used.

I used to pride myself on taking novel approaches to legal cases but I’ll admit, this argument would never have occurred to me.



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Multi-million-dollar mortgage demand soars – the rest of you slackers aren’t doing as well


Patriot Bank: "Obtain your next JUMBO loan through us!"

Patriot Bank: “Obtain your next JUMBO loan through us!”

Bloomberg reports that the demand for maga-mortgages has never been higher, and is rising. Essentially, why pull cash from investments that return so much more than current mortgage rates cost?


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The curse of Greyledge continues

Ms. Shari Lampert prepares to address her housekeeper's wicked ways

Ms. Shari Lampert prepares to address her housekeeper’s wicked ways

Shari Lampert (not the Sears Lamperts) has had quite of time of things since she and her now former husband Spencer razed Col. Bolling’s estate, “Greyledge”, at 133-137 Doubling Road back in 2007. Her latest bid at notoriety is reported today after being arrested for teeing off on her house keeper with a five iron back in June.

One June 29th, police received a complaint of a physical altercation between an employer and her housekeeper. Police say 56-year-old Shari Gay Lampert had a tumultuous argument with her housekeeper and demanded restitution for the alleged damage the housekeeper had done in Lampert’s home while employed there. During the argument, Lampert wielded a golf club toward the victim before entering the victim’s car to take the victim’s purse and remove all of her cash from it. An investigation determined that there was enough evidence to arrest Lampert for larceny and disorderly conduct, police said. Lampert turned herself into Greenwich police Friday on an arrest warrant and was charged. Lampert was released on $2,000 bond and will appear in court August 1st.

Ms. Lambert seems to have some anger issues – she was arrested in January, 2012 for driving her car through the garage doors of her husband Spencer’s new digs, again in May, 2012 for a “domestic dispute”, and, it appears, a few other times as well.


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A wise man knows when to cut his losses


The Stockman's Model

The Stockman’s Model

David Stockman’s house, with twenty-three acres, is back with a new price of $13.4 million. That’s quite a cut from its 2010-2012 price of $23.5 million, and even its 2013 price of $19.750.

I’ve always suggested this house was overpriced, but instead of rewarding my prescience by giving me his listing, Mr. Stockman has chosen to return to his original broker, the one who priced it at $23.5 and kept him locked into a home he no longer wants for four long years.

That’s probably due to the magic Sotheby’s name and its “international clientele” (snort), but it could also be because he read my quote about his house in the NY Times.

In 2012, Mr. Stockman put his trophy home — with its 11 bathrooms, swimming pool and tennis court — on the market, asking $19.75 million.

Weak as the market was, the listing was removed — and Mr. Fountain is not surprised.

“For $9 million, it’s a nice little house,” he said. “But these types of houses don’t age well. There is just too much horse crap* out there on the polo fields.”

Stockman, you magnificent bastard, I read your book!

Oh well.

* Actually, I used the term “horse shit”, to go with the polo theme, but the Times editors cleaned it up


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Riverside Contract


48 Bramble Lane

48 Bramble Lane

48 Bramble Lane, $3.995 million. One-third of an acre, 6,700 sq. feet (a lot of which is basement). Zillow calculates that as $225 per sq. ft., which suggests that you bring on your own calculator to the Zillow site. Really nice house, and there have now been enough sales on Bramble in this price range that it’s safe to say it’s a $4 million neighborhood.

I’m absolutely astonished.


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Forget rogue meteors, for now


Back in print?

Back in print?

Ebola-infected passenger who died in Nigeria was U.S. citizen was on his way home to Minnesota.

Patrick Sawyer died this week after becoming noticeably ill on a flight from Liberia in West Africa, where the worst ever outbreak of Ebola is gathering pace, to the city of Lagos in Nigeria. His case sparked alarm across the globe because he was able to board an international flight while carrying the incurable disease – potentially infecting other passengers who could fly across the world in a nightmare scenario for health experts.

In our brave new world of global travel, pandemics don’t stay in Las Vegas – or anywhere else – anymore.

UPDATE: And even worse than the guy next to your breathing Ebola in your ear, … Delta passengers disgusted after Chinese family lets toddler crap on his seat.

Passengers kicked up a stink on a flight from Beijing to Detroit this week after a family allowed their toddler to defecate on his seat, according to reports.

Travellers on board the Delta Airlines flight allegedly watched in horror as the young Chinese boy’s parents laid down newspaper on his chair and encouraged him to relieve himself there and then

. Despite pleas from passengers and crew to take him to the cabin toilet, the boy’s grandfather and grandmother – who were also on the plane – insisted on letting the boy settle there, it was claimed.

Passenger Luolan Gang Wang told Sina News that once the boy had finished his business, its smell began slowly to waft through the cabin sparking a wave of disgust among fellow travellers.


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