Monthly Archives: November 2014

Someone else beat me to the punch, “did they read him his Carmen Miranda rights?”

Police arrest man for pointing a banana in their direction, causing them “to fear for their lives”. 

Michael Brown could not be reached for comment.

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Home improvement

A friend is preparing to paint her basement after a couple of decades and found this, left behind by my daughter Kate and another friend (Cliff, you know who you are) when, I’d guess, they were maybe 8, 10 years old. Pal Nancy suggests that it looks like something the Manson gang might have left behind but to me, I’d bet our friend could sell the wall as an “installation” in a NYC gallery and get millions.

Better yet, she could sell it directly to Steve Cohen.

Kat

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Watch out, Walt, they’re going after your pals

Is it the black hood on the poor guy that makes this racist?

Is it the black hood on the poor guy that makes this racist?

Dutch beer under fire by New Yorkers for its “racist” slogan, “You’ll be a slave to the flavor”. Since the beer’s logo is a dominatrix with a (white) slave at her feet, we can assume that, just as “master bedroom” and “slave cylinder” have been banished from the politically correct dictionary, dominatrixes must now refer to their clients as “friends with benefits”.

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Related headlines?

Still smiling - former Speaker o the House is still speaker of her sty

Still smiling – former Speaker of the House is still speaker of HER house and for now, that will have to do

Beginning of the end for Nancy Pelosi?

Disruptive pig kicked off US Airways flight.

The real beginning of the end for Pelosi was probably marked in 2010, when she lost her position of Speaker of the (Democratic) House and was forced to quit using the US Air Force’s fleet of Gulfstreams as her personal taxi service (85 trips in 16 months leading up to that sad day, including trips for grandchildren, friends  and business associates). Will she ever regain her private air-limo service? Only when pigs fly.

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Next, she’ll warn us of the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide

AG Karen Straughn, guardian of the stupid people - takes one to know one?

AG Karen Straughn, guardian of the stupid people – takes one to know one?

Maryland’s Assistant Attorney for Consumer Protection warns her citizens to beware of an urban myth.

According to ABC’s 7online.com, the consumer protection advocate is telling people that if they suddenly notice a $100 bill on their windshield, they should not get out of their cars:

Most people would, possibly thinking it’s a holiday gift from a stranger, but, really, authorities say, it could just be how you get caught in a scam. Authorities in Maryland are warning people about the potential for this kind of scam, particularly around the holidays.

They’re warning people that when the driver exits the car with the door open to grab the bill, a thief has the opportunity to steal the vehicle.

Um… before even discussing the fact that this is an urban myth, can we think about it logically for just a sec? How could you be in your car and then notice a $100 bill on your windshield? Did you get in with your eyes closed? And if someone was standing close by, ready to pounce, why would he bother with a $100 bill? You’re there, he’s there. Pounce.

And how many pouncers have a cool, crisp $100 bill to use (and perhaps lose!) on this venture, anyway? Wouldn’t a $10 bill work just as well? Or even a coupon for a free Chipotle?

But, of course, all that is beside the point. Straughn, a public protectress, says she has heard one “unknown resident” mention “one incident” of this happening—the old friend-of-a-friend grapevine—but “has not seen a police report about it.” Of course not. No one has. Because it never happened.

She’ll probably wait for summer, when the swimming pools reopen, to issue an alert on DMO.

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For the first time in memory, Macy’s Thanksgiving parade should be fun to watch

That deflated feeling

That deflated feeling

Anarchists plan to stop the parade and De Blasio has ordered the cops to do nothing

Anarchists plotted on Wednesday to disrupt the Thanksgiving Day Parade — feeling emboldened after cops allowed them to run free on major roadways like the FDR Drive and the West Side Highway, The Post has learned.

“The police aren’t going to arrest us and they are not going to shoot us,” an organizer who calls himself “Magiq” boasted to a group of two dozen rabble-rousers at a Union Square planning session Wednesday night.

“Don’t let consumerism outshine injustice. Keep the NYC protests going, stomp right over Macy’s thanksgiving parade,” wrote a user named Aleks!

“Stopping the parade would make such a huge statement,” added a user named Luna ­Koshka, who added, “We can see snoopy next year. But Mike Browns[sic] mother will never see her child again.”

“We feel empowered. We feel rejuvenated right now,” Senegal Mapry, 18, of Manhattan, said during an earlier gathering at Union Square Wednesday.

“The police are backing down because they don’t want to cause any more riots. If they put their hands on another minority, all-out war will break out.”

Sources said Mayor de Blasio ordered the NYPD to give a free ride to the mobs that blocked the Lincoln Tunnel, Brooklyn Bridge and other major thoroughfares Tuesday night.

“It’s coming from City Hall,” a source said. “We’re being told if it’s only traffic violations, don’t do anything.”

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Conflicting advice

Hi, "Dad"

Hi, “Dad”

Don’t invite food poisoning to your Thanksgiving dinner

Felon willing to come over and ruin your family’s Thanksgiving.

A man in Texas with no plans for Thanksgiving has posted an ad on Craigslist offering his services as a prospective date from hell available to attend a family gathering on Thursday and promising to cause a major scene.

Nick Schmidt posted his one-of-a-kind offer in the casual encounters section of Craigslist Nashville on Thursday.

In a post entitled ‘Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad? Read on…’, Schmidt described himself as a ‘28-year-old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar.’

It’s Thanksgiving.

Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how you’re still single? About how your parents really want more grand children? Well, look no further!

I am a 28 year old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar.

I can play anywhere between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if i shave. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar.

If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

I can do these things, at your request:

  • openly hit on other female guests while you act like you don’t notice.
  • start discussions about politics and/or religion.
  • propose to you in front of everyone.
  • pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry, i don’t drink, but i used to. alot. too much in fact. i know the drill).

Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see.

I require no pay but the free meal i will receive as a guest!

His offer’s already been accepted, but there’s still time to book him for Christmas

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