Conflicting advice

Hi, "Dad"

Hi, “Dad”

Don’t invite food poisoning to your Thanksgiving dinner

Felon willing to come over and ruin your family’s Thanksgiving.

A man in Texas with no plans for Thanksgiving has posted an ad on Craigslist offering his services as a prospective date from hell available to attend a family gathering on Thursday and promising to cause a major scene.

Nick Schmidt posted his one-of-a-kind offer in the casual encounters section of Craigslist Nashville on Thursday.

In a post entitled ‘Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad? Read on…’, Schmidt described himself as a ‘28-year-old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar.’

It’s Thanksgiving.

Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how you’re still single? About how your parents really want more grand children? Well, look no further!

I am a 28 year old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar.

I can play anywhere between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if i shave. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar.

If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

I can do these things, at your request:

  • openly hit on other female guests while you act like you don’t notice.
  • start discussions about politics and/or religion.
  • propose to you in front of everyone.
  • pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry, i don’t drink, but i used to. alot. too much in fact. i know the drill).

Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see.

I require no pay but the free meal i will receive as a guest!

His offer’s already been accepted, but there’s still time to book him for Christmas

5 Comments

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5 responses to “Conflicting advice

  1. Peg

    Think he’d travel to MN?

  2. What is wrong with people there days?

  3. housecat

    That. Is. Awesome!

  4. LLa'trine Fountain

    Walt jr ?