Next, she’ll warn us of the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide

AG Karen Straughn, guardian of the stupid people - takes one to know one?

AG Karen Straughn, guardian of the stupid people – takes one to know one?

Maryland’s Assistant Attorney for Consumer Protection warns her citizens to beware of an urban myth.

According to ABC’s, the consumer protection advocate is telling people that if they suddenly notice a $100 bill on their windshield, they should not get out of their cars:

Most people would, possibly thinking it’s a holiday gift from a stranger, but, really, authorities say, it could just be how you get caught in a scam. Authorities in Maryland are warning people about the potential for this kind of scam, particularly around the holidays.

They’re warning people that when the driver exits the car with the door open to grab the bill, a thief has the opportunity to steal the vehicle.

Um… before even discussing the fact that this is an urban myth, can we think about it logically for just a sec? How could you be in your car and then notice a $100 bill on your windshield? Did you get in with your eyes closed? And if someone was standing close by, ready to pounce, why would he bother with a $100 bill? You’re there, he’s there. Pounce.

And how many pouncers have a cool, crisp $100 bill to use (and perhaps lose!) on this venture, anyway? Wouldn’t a $10 bill work just as well? Or even a coupon for a free Chipotle?

But, of course, all that is beside the point. Straughn, a public protectress, says she has heard one “unknown resident” mention “one incident” of this happening—the old friend-of-a-friend grapevine—but “has not seen a police report about it.” Of course not. No one has. Because it never happened.

She’ll probably wait for summer, when the swimming pools reopen, to issue an alert on DMO.


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16 responses to “Next, she’ll warn us of the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide

  1. Karen and Moochelle could be best of friends.

  2. sunbeam43

    And don’t forget Debbie! (Wassup-Shultz)

  3. AJ

    Another finger wagging asshat. Seems they’re as plentiful as weeds. My favorite being the Asshat in Chief, followed closely by Ms. “Business doesn’t create jobs,” the Hildabeast.

  4. Maitre d'Oyer et Terminer

    Wow. Now THAT’s an ugly person.

  5. the stupid enabling the stupid for fun and profit

  6. Walt

    Dude –

    So did you have a nice Thanksgiving? I hope so. Did you stuff your gullet with turkey and giblet gravy? What is a giblet Dude? It sounds disgusting. You giblet.

    Did you go to LL Bean on Black Friday? Getting all orgasmic over the camo and bright orange new underwear and socks you could buy? I bet you did!!

    Did you take your after Thanksgiving, double sided, perfectly tapered dump yet? ME TOO!! Corn is the best!!

    Is Sarah with you? Does she want to catch a movie tonight? DAD!!

    JUST FUCKING WITH YOU DUDE!! But I could be the Craig’s list guy at your house. It would be fun! Bring Gideon and Francis.

    Hope you and the family had a great Thanksgiving.
    Your Pal,

  7. Walt

    Dude –
    When are you returning to the slum you call Cos Cob?

    I have a serious question. No really. I do.

    What happened to the Libtard, Progressive policy over the last 50 years?

    Kennedy would be considered a right wing Republican by today’s standards. And not just because he could bang anything that walked. Unlike the homo progressives of today. That man was a tookie magnet, and will always be my idol, no matter what his political beliefs.

    I know you don’t like him because he wasn’t a Waspy Wasp, and why you shot him . BUT GET OVER IT YOU RACIST!!

    Anyhows. ANYHOWS!! The “Progressives” of today oppose free speech. They shout down differing opinion’s. They favor government control, and the lack of individuality. They say we are all the same. Which we are not!! THAT IS WHAT MAKES US GREAT!!

    They are intolerant of opposing opinions, believe in penalizing the successful, and want to dumb down a Nation. What, EXACTLY, is “progressive” about that? They are intolerant morons. Yes Bill, that means you. Although I hope you had a great turkey day.

    Calling Barry a “President” is the equivalent of calling Jeffrey Dahmer a chef. It’s a disgrace. This guy is dismantling our Nation as we know it.

    Anyhows again, can you send me the admin credentials so I can post some other things on my mind? While you continue to loot Portland, Maine?

    And can you pick me up some flannels? And some of those LL Bean slippers with the fur inside? And a few lobsters? Maybe stop in New Hampshire and get me some cheap booze? Or is that Vermont? And maybe pick up a few hookers in Bridgeport on your way home? I don’t care what color, as long as they are thin with big cans. Does that make me a racist?

    Your Pal,

  8. riverside girl

    why haven’t you commented on 150 riverside avenue?

    • Walt

      Can I take a wild stab at this? Maybe it’s because it’s a Holiday weekend, and he is enjoying time with his family?

      You self centered little prick.

    • Walt

      But I will comment on it, to satisfy you, you self-centered little BASTARD.

      150 Riverside Avenue is in Riverside. In a Town called Greenwich.

      Which is filled with self-centered, better than thou, I am the most important person in the world little Waspy Wasps, just like you!!

      Self-absorbed, think the world swirls around them, and oblivious to other human beings. They charge a premium so others can live around them. And actually get away with it. Obnoxious but smart.

      They are Puritans, disdain anal sex, and actually rarely do oral. They will look down their noses at you, and make unfunny racial and stereotypical jokes about you, behind your back.

      They have small penisesises, but they rule the world. They let the Jews think they do, but purely for political reasons.

      So. SO!! If you are interested in 150 Riverside, call the Dude and he will sell it to you. You cretin.

      Any more questions?

      • Geeze, I leave you kids alone for a few seconds and all hell breaks loose! Walt, that’s a time out for you for five full seconds. Riverside Chick, you get pass because Walt was so mean.
        Now behave yourself – I’m back from Maine and have resumed monitoring – don’t make me have to pull over!

        • anon

          That wasn’t Riverside Chick. She’s been around a long time and behaves. This is some one timer, riverside girl.

        • Walt

          Dude –

          Mean? MEAN!! How was I mean? I have never been mean in my life. I am kind to retards. The fact that I am nice to you proves it.

          I like midgets, girls blessed with oversized breasts…I really like them!!….the Negro’s, the PR’s, the Wop’s, Italian’s…PIZZA RULES DUDE!! ..Pollacks, I LOVE THEM!! Dumb jokes KILL IT!!…the Micks, the Spics, the Dago’s, the Wasp’s, even though you sicken me.., the wetbacks, the kikes, the dykes, and the homo’s are all OK in my book.

          I love everyone. And celebrate diversity. Are you the same as me? The very thought sickens me.

          ALL People are different. We all have our strength’s and weaknessessessess. Once we start to accept that, we will all be better off.

          You midget homo.

          Your Pal,

    • Riverside Dog Walker

      That is one aggressive price on 150 Riverside Ave, particularly since a similar, albeit smaller and unrenovated house but on a larger and better lot, at 197 Riverside Ave had a hard time selling. 197 looks to be off the market now, they must have got $2.5M or so.

      And despite saying 150 Riverside has 6200sf, it looks small and chopped up. No comment on the wallpaper.

  9. golly! this America place sounded pretty spiffy. i wonder what happened to it?