Daily Archives: January 14, 2015

No one will accuse HER of being a helicopter mom

Watch out for the brown acid, honey

And watch out for the brown acid, honey

Mother reports son as missing, twenty years after he disappeared at a Grateful Dead concert. She describes him as “between 5’10” and 6′” – no word if she remembers the color of his eyes.

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His girlfriend may be hung, but he sure isn’t – not anymore

Chopping rats

Chopping rats

Angry wife snips off hubby’s wienie, then does it again for good measure.

A jealous wife in China chopped off her cheating husband’s penis as he slept, then snuck into his hospital room after he had it sewn back on — and hacked it off again and tossed it out the window.

… The jilted wife went berserk, grabbed a pair of scissors, stormed into their bedroom and cut off his penis while he was sleeping.

Lung was rushed to the hospital, where doctors were able to save the appendage and sew it back on.

But Feng was able to sneak into the recovery room, where she chopped his penis off a second time and threw it out the window, according to CEN.

Despite desperate search efforts, authorities were unable to find Lung’s manhood. Police believe it may have been stumbled upon by a stray dog or cat, according to CEN.

Lung’s side chick — Zhang Hung, 21 — said she’s OK with her man not being able to have more children.

“It doesn’t matter that he’s lost his fertility,” she told CEN. “He has five children already.”

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Riverside land contract

Dumpster Duck 234 Riverside Avenue

Dumpster Duck
234 Riverside Avenue

234 Riverside Avenue, 0.68 acre, 9,000 sq.ft. potential, asking $2.250 million.

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Son of dihydrogen monoxide

A friend sent this along with the notation, “Proving numbers don’t lie but statistics do.”But funny.

 

Doctors


(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is

700,000.


(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians

per year are

120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician

is

0.171


Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of

Health and Human Services.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Now think about this:

Guns


(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.

is

80,000,000.


(Yes, that’s 80 million)


(B) The number of accidental gun deaths

per year, all age groups,

is

1,500.


(C) The number of accidental deaths

per gun owner

is

.0000188


Statistics courtesy of FBI


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


So,
   statistically, doctors are approximately

9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Remember, ‘Guns don’t kill people, doctors do.’


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


FACT:  NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,

BUT

Almost everyone has at least one doctor.

This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Please alert your friends

to   this alarming threat.


We must ban doctors

before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Out of concern for the public at large,

We withheld the statistics on

Lawyers


for fear the shock would cause

people to panic and seek medical attention!

 

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Well if mockery couldn’t stop it, we’ll do it with executive orders

After the election I'll have more flexibility, your majesty

After the election I’ll have more flexibility, your majesty

Obama moves against U.S. oil/gas producers with new methane rules.

Taking direct aim at the oil-and-gas industry, President Obama on Wednesday put forth long-awaited regulations on methane emissions, setting an ambitious goal of reducing those emissions by 45 percent over the next decade.

“The U.S. is now the largest oil-and-gas producer in the world, providing an abundant source of energy to power and heat American homes and businesses [despite Democrats’ best efforts] ,” White House energy and climate change adviser Dan Utech told reporters Wednesday morning. “At the same time, methane … is a potent greenhouse gas with 25 times the heat-trapping potential of carbon dioxide.”

Even though methane emissions are down 16 percent since 1990, the White House says they might rise over the next 10 years unless dramatic actions are taken. Under the plan laid out by the Environmental Protection Agency on Wednesday, the oil-and-gas sector must reduce methane emissions by 40 to 45 percent by 2025.

That’s because the ridiculing of drilling advocates has failed so spectacularly.

Back when gas topped $4 a gallon, Republicans chanted “drill, baby, drill” at rallies across the country — arguing more domestic drilling would increase supplies, reduce dependence on foreign oil and boost the U.S. economy.

Democrats, almost universally, mocked the GOP plan. In 2012, President Obama called it “a slogan, a gimmick, and a bumper sticker … not a strategy.”

“They were waving their three-point plans for $2-a-gallon gas,” Obama told a laughing audience during an energy speech in Washington. “You remember that? Drill, baby, drill. We were going through all that. And none of it was really going to do anything to solve the problem.”

“‘Drill, baby, drill’ won’t lower gas prices today or tomorrow,” Rep. Janice Hahn, D-Calif., echoed on the floor of Congress in 2012. “But it will fuel our addiction to fossil fuel.”

Today, Democrats are singing a different tune, as increased domestic drilling has led to a record supply of domestic crude, put some $100 billion into the pockets of U.S. consumers and sent world oil prices tumbling.

The price of a gallon of regular gasoline on Monday was $2.13 nationwide, and below $2 in 18 states.

There’s an agenda here, and it has nothing to do with “global warming” and everything to do with weakening the United States.

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There go the Beatles

And so long, Three Little Pigs

And so long, Three Little Pigs

Textbook publisher cautions authors from mentioning pigs or “any pork product” in their books, lest Muslims or Jews be offended.

Schoolbook authors have been told not to write about sausages or pigs for fear of causing offence.

Guidance from leading educational publisher the Oxford University Press prohibits authors from including anything that could be perceived as pork-related in their books. 

Speaking of the ban, one author told BBC,

“Now, if a respectable publisher, tied to an academic institution, is saying you’ve got to write a book in which you cannot mention pigs because some people might be offended, it’s just ludicrous. It is just a joke.’

Muslim Labour MP Khalid Mahmood said: ‘I absolutely agree. That’s absolute utter nonsense. And when people go too far, that brings the whole discussion into disrepute.’

A spokesman for the Jewish Leadership Council added: ‘Jewish law prohibits eating pork, not the mention of the word, or the animal from which it derives.

Tory MP Philip Davies said: ‘How on earth can anyone find the word “pig” or “pork” offensive?

‘No word is offensive. It is the context in which it is used that is offensive.’

He added: ‘On the one hand you have politicians and the great and the good falling over each other to say how much they believe in freedom of speech and on the other hand they are presiding over people being unable to use and write words that are completely inoffensive.

‘We have got to get a grip on this nonsensical political correctness.

I Am the Walrus:

I am he as you are he as you are me
And we are all together
See how they run like pigs from a gun see how they fly
I’m crying

“Piggies”
Have you seen the little piggies

Crawling in the dirt?
And for all the little piggies
Life is getting worse
Always having dirt to play around inHave you seen the bigger piggies
In their starched white shirts?
You will find the bigger piggies
Stirring up the dirt
Always have clean shirts to play around in

In their styes with all their backing
They don’t care what goes on around
In their eyes there’s something lacking
What they need’s a damn good whacking

Everywhere there’s lots of piggies
Living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon

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