In an admission that its students are incapable of independent thought, Harvard University is sending them home for the holidays with plastic crib cards to guide them through discussions of politics with their dim-witted families.
Harvard has advised students to lecture their non-Ivy-League relatives on liberal values in a bizarre set of holiday placemats to take home over Christmas.
The laminated cards raise some likely hot topics that lesser-educated family members may raise at the dinner table, then offers a suggested response.
Covering such complex issues as police brutality, racial divisions, and the Syrian war, one of the sections tells students to say: ‘Racial justice includes welcoming Syrian refugees.’
One question to be braced for is: ‘Why are black students complaining? Shouldn’t they be happy to be in college?’
In response, the worldly scholars should ‘calmly’ explain: ‘When I hear students expressing their experiences on campus I don’t hear complaining.’
Students are also told what side to take on the issue of murdered black teenager Tamir Rice in 2014 – an issue which continues to divide the country.

2015 tuition, room and board and fees: $81,000