Nothing in his life became him like the leaving of it

(Headline changed after I remembered that Shakespeare said it better, 400 years ago)

off cliff

Hang on, I’m coming!

Pantless driver Clifford Ray Jones dies in crash as he masturbates at high speed.

A Detroit man was killed when he was ejected through the sunroof of his car while driving along the highway with his pants down and masturbating to porn being shown on his cellphone.

Clifford Ray Jones, 58, was killed instantly when his car rolled over in the early hours of Sunday morning.

It is believed that Jones lost control of the car because he was distracted

That sounds plausible.

15 Comments

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15 responses to “Nothing in his life became him like the leaving of it

  1. housecat

    Somehow I doubt that $bob will heed this cautionary tale…

  2. AJ

    A metaphor for Fox News’ handling of tomorrow’s Iowa GOP debate?

  3. AJ

    Don’t you mean Hold on I’m cuming?

  4. Wow.
    There are a number of ways to die that are ignominious, many of them prefaced by “Hold my beer and watch this…” , but that’s a whole new level of face palm.

    Can you imagine the angelic bureaucrats, “so sir you came here as a result of ….bwhahahahahahah. Seriously? ”

    Never mind your survivors. ” So what did your husband/dad/uncle/etc… die of? ” Looks at shoes, mumbles. “What?” “sudden deceleration. ok? I do not want to discuss it.”

  5. Anonymous

    Hope he finished first. At least he wasn’t texting.

  6. Mickster

    I’m trying to figure out the logistics. One hand on the phone, one hand on his ‘business’ , I’m afraid to ask, what was he steering with??

    • Maybe he has had one of these?

    • housecat

      Mickster, Mickster, Mickster… Obviously he was steering with his fifth appendage. It has a mind of its own, after all.

      • Walt

        THAT’S RACIST!! Just because Mr. Clifford Ray Jones is from Detroit, and obviously black, you assume he had a ding dong that can do parlor tricks? Like a trained python? SHAME ON YOU!!

        HERE IS HOW YOU DO IT! And I only know this because a friend told me. You use a dashboard phone mount. That is not a sexual position, you perverts, it’s a $15 dollar device that holds the phone so your hands are now free for “other things”. You mount it to the middle of the dashboard with the screen tilted towards the driver. That leaves one hand to steer, and one hand for fun. It is best, I am told, to remove your shoes, socks, pants and Hello Kitty’s BEFORE you start to drive. Any moron knows this.

        And of course you can’t wear a seatbelt!! How do they criticize Mr. Jones for THAT!! And don’t rewind or pause the money shot while driving, no matter how tempting it is. That is just dangerous and stupid. Almost as bad as sexting while driving.

        Can we all just hope that this story had a happy ending? They claim his failure to strap in may have contributed to his “partial ejection”. That would be a sad ending.

  7. In terms of ignominy, being discovered after hypoxyphilia goes wrong has got to be worse

  8. Mark B.

    Man is ejaculated through the sunroof before he could eject…

    …wait…

    Anyhooo, once again I say, who the hell hasn’t done this?

  9. P

    O Chris. Too funny.