Tag Archives: Jeremy Kaye

Thinking of jokes

I mentioned to Last Liberal Standing that we should share popcorn at a movie together and that got me to thinking. You’d never believe it, but (some) real estate lawyers have a sense of humor, notably, the two Kaye brothers, Joel and Jeremy and their honorary brother, Tom Ward, who was abandoned as an infant on the Kaye doorstep and raised as a Gentile in a Jewish home.

You would expect Tom and Joel to have a wicked sense of humor, and they do, but if you ever have the good fortune to have a closing with Jeremy, as buyer or seller, you really must insist – put it in the sales contract, if need be – that Jeremy agree to tell you both his jury picking/goat f”’ing joke and his popcorn/Parkinson’s Disease story. Not only does the guy have his accents down perfectly, but coming from such a sweet looking, soft speaking guy (unless you’re negotiating with him) the shock of hearing risqué jokes is doubly hilarious.

My real estate tip of the day.

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Striped bass in Ole’s Creek

Not Benji, but here's what a 15 lb bass looks like

Benji Ward, chef at the Beach House Cafe, reports that he caught a 15 lb bass in the creek at 1:15 in the morning the other day, after getting off work. I can’t verify this personally – he released it (!) but that’s what he told his dad and my creek neighbor Tom Ward, and it’s been my experience that kids whose parents are honest and honorable turn out the same way ( my own kids learned those virtues through their mom, Pal Nancy). And Tom Ward is all of that (plus an honorary Kaye Brother, placing him in the triad of the bestest real estate lawyers in Greenwich) so I believe Benji. Besides, I’ve hooked, but lost stripers at least that big in the creek, so I know they’re there.

My beef? Tom is a great lawyer but no fisherman, and didn’t bother asking Benji whether he was using bait or a lure and, if a lure, what kind? Good God!  If you want advice on real estate, by all means call Tom, but for fishing advice, he’s as useless as his honorary brothers, Joel and Jeremy.

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Did you hear the one about the nonogenarian who wanted to get it on with the cute 85-year-old widower??

Well I have, but this being a family-sort-of-blog, I can’t recount it here. The punch line is, “Parkinson’s Disease”. Great joke, but if you want it in full, you’ll have to call on Jeremy Kaye. You could also retain him to buy or sell your house, while you’re at it. (Or you could design him a proper website, instead of the crappy one he and Jevora must have found in a dumpster on Greenwich Avenue, Good Lord, my friend!)

But there was no such delicacy exhibited today at the Greenwich Senior Center in a presentation entitle “Love Among the Ruins” and given by Greenwich Health Department’s Tom Mahoney.

Now it’s been said that, as a sex expert, Tom is a hellofa soccer referee,  but apparently he had the old dears jiggling in their wheelchairs looking just like the Jello being served them for lunch. He told jokes, he made funny balloon puppets from condoms and served a naughty cake for dessert.

The seniors  loved it but of course, it will all have been forgotten by tomorrow.

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Tesei pulls out the big guns

Gabriel_Metsu_-_Man_Writing_a_Letter

Dear Peter, thank you for yours of even date but I note with some concern that the promised payment for services is a little light. Kindly remit same immediately or I shall, regretfully, have no choice but to retract my endorsement of your candidacy. Your humble servant, Jeremy

Noted and feared real estate attorney Jeremy “King Fish” Kaye endorses Peter Tesei.

UPDATE: Jeremy would want me to annotate and supplement his letter, I’m sure. So, …

To the editor:

As a lifelong resident I am indeed privileged to live in a community as vibrant and supportive as Greenwich. [he seems to have confused our town with a Magic Fingers mattress]

I live in a place where dedicated and caring people give of themselves to make their community a better place. I live in a place where volunteerism  [the old, honest virtue of “The Lord helps those who help themselves” thrives. Folks like Walter Noel and Fredric Bourke just help themselves to whatever they want]  I live in a place which has a wonderful school system, [Hamilton Avenue, New Lebanon, the Glenville Modular School and Western Junior High being just some of them] beautiful parks [ hour-and-a-half wait for the bathroom at Byram’s pool] a charm that few other communities are able to sustain.[especially because they, unlike Greenwich, have sound barriers blocking I-95 traffic noise].

I live in a place where we are so fortunate to have intelligent, responsive and responsible people wanting to be a part of government. [that’s why we pay $100,000 to attract a tax collector and fire our school superintendent every year]

It is simply not possible for everyone to agree on every action that a political figure undertakes or suggests. So, in deciding whom to vote for, it is most important to look at the candidate’s integrity, the body of their work, whether they have good intentions [hell, you get a freakin’ Nobel Prize, you got good intentions] and whether the course they want the town to travel corresponds with the voter’s own view of what is desirable and a viable course. [When they lack all of those qualities and you discover they have no idea where to lead the town, then just collect as much as you can from one of them and give them an endorsement]

I know Peter Tesei personally and …. I know that he recognizes that there are many difficult decisions yet to  be made and is prepared to make them. [Shoving  fired town employees off Town Hall’s steps at bayonet point being just one of those decisions he’s so eager to make. Running over small animals, putting puppies in blenders? Hey, a man’s  got to do what a man’s got to do].

 I also know Lin Lavery [but unfortunately she lacked the financial willingness and wherewithal to get a letter from me so from now on it’s, “Lin who?] . I hope that Lin will continue to be a leader in the town [‘s Junior League and garden Club. Back to the Back Country, lady!]

On Election Day, however, no one can vote for two first selectmen. You can only vote for one. [Unless, of course, you follow the Chicago school of politics. I, for instance, will be voting early and often and I hope you will, too]

With the considerations I have set forth above, I will be casting my vote on Election Day for Peter Tesei. [See above]. As a resident of Greenwich [paid to do so by the Republican Party, it is my privilege duty to do so.]

Jeremy E. Kaye

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